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FireFox

FireFox

Enlightened
Apr 8, 2020
1,835
I am going to kill myself next week because I have no hope my tuition fees problem will be resolved anymore and I am going to lose my university place, a place i worked hard to get. I was really enjoying my degree subject and all the opportunities the university offered me.

The worst thing about my fianacial issue is all my life my grandmother and mother always helped the relatives and their kids and grandkids with their fianacial problems but NONE of these relatives ever help nor care if my family have problems. I have relative who can easily write a cheque which would end my problem within minutes but this relative chooses never to help struggling family members and instead looks his nose down upon everyone. He is one of those rags to riches rich people. I have other relatives who are happy to give money away to help relatives ie with a business venture, property investment or money for some kind of help in an emergency but some reason these relatives don't care about my family and see other family members are real family.

When I openly tell my family the truth about how selfish and selfcentred our relatives are my grandmother and mother make me feel guilty for daring to tell the truth nobody else does. During the Christmas holidays my grandmother was even laughing at me and calling me "a problem" for complaining about my family sending money overseas to relatives when was explaining to another guest in our house the problem I had previously over tuition fees.

In my suicide note I will it clear to my grandmother and mother my relatives are 100% the reason why I made the decision to kill myself. All my life my relatives contributed to making me feel unloved, and outsider and the reason for my need to belong they failled to provide it. I hate my grandmother and mother for always forcing me to see these relatives overseas and giving me the worst summers of my life as a teenager.

For me losing my university spot was the only good thing i had going for me. I have no career and no partner. I will it clear in my suicide note this event was the final straw for years I have been suffering depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. I am done fighting.

My family thought I was going through a pharae when I said I hated the relatives when I kill myself they will believe me when I said I truly hated being related to these people.
 
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Well_Its_Time

Well_Its_Time

Banned
Jan 23, 2025
102
I would like to blame other people but I cannot. I looked at myself and it is me who is the problem and has the problem. It is all in my head and my heart. I attempted to blame other people for my issues; and they are just that, my issues. We can only walk in our shoes. I take the blame for my mind and my heart.
 
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Kibby

Kibby

Member
Jan 19, 2025
49
Its so fucking cruel. Family are people you are forced to be with. Having bad ones means your life never really started. My heart goes out to you man.
 
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Lil_Keybordwarrior

Lil_Keybordwarrior

Tired
Oct 9, 2024
7
I wish you find the peace and calm that you were never able to find in life.
Best regards
 
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divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Angelic
Jan 1, 2024
4,138
I believe family play a big part in peoples mental health issues :(
 
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needthebus

needthebus

"Treatment" Used Up My Allotment of Fake Smiles
Apr 29, 2024
772
I am going to kill myself next week because I have no hope my tuition fees problem will be resolved anymore and I am going to lose my university place, a place i worked hard to get. I was really enjoying my degree subject and all the opportunities the university offered me.

The worst thing about my fianacial issue is all my life my grandmother and mother always helped the relatives and their kids and grandkids with their fianacial problems but NONE of these relatives ever help nor care if my family have problems. I have relative who can easily write a cheque which would end my problem within minutes but this relative chooses never to help struggling family members and instead looks his nose down upon everyone. He is one of those rags to riches rich people. I have other relatives who are happy to give money away to help relatives ie with a business venture, property investment or money for some kind of help in an emergency but some reason these relatives don't care about my family and see other family members are real family.

When I openly tell my family the truth about how selfish and selfcentred our relatives are my grandmother and mother make me feel guilty for daring to tell the truth nobody else does. During the Christmas holidays my grandmother was even laughing at me and calling me "a problem" for complaining about my family sending money overseas to relatives when was explaining to another guest in our house the problem I had previously over tuition fees.

In my suicide note I will it clear to my grandmother and mother my relatives are 100% the reason why I made the decision to kill myself. All my life my relatives contributed to making me feel unloved, and outsider and the reason for my need to belong they failled to provide it. I hate my grandmother and mother for always forcing me to see these relatives overseas and giving me the worst summers of my life as a teenager.

For me losing my university spot was the only good thing i had going for me. I have no career and no partner. I will it clear in my suicide note this event was the final straw for years I have been suffering depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. I am done fighting.

My family thought I was going through a pharae when I said I hated the relatives when I kill myself they will believe me when I said I truly hated being related to these people.
@FireFox please don't do this

I really like you, including your writing style and emotion

There are need-based scholarships, there are other ways of getting grants and aid. There are scholarships for diversity, achievement, all sorts of ways to get help.

Have you searched for scholarships? Created a gofundme page? Have you considered a part-time job and would that be enough? Could you get a student loan somehow? Can you reach out to other black people in the legal community? Sometimes there are professional organizations, like black barristers or things like that. You owe it to yourself to try. Fuck all of the haters, you're interesting and smart, at least try, try more... You need to look at this without emotion: you have options. It's hard, but scream and cry for 20 minutes, and then just work on it for an hour. If it doesn't work, cry another 20 minutes, later on keep working on it. People sometimes get into these situations and overcome them. Please.

Here's an example of an organization: https://blackbarristersnetwork.org.uk/

You can email them, reach out and say you want to become a barrister and are having financial difficulties and could use advice. I think you'd be a great barrister if that's what you want to do, I really mean that.




 
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