I will CTB but i keep seeing my self failing

[TerriblySadDay]

I can't stop thinking that i will immensely fail. i had planned the date and everything and I am ready to die but i keep imagining myself alive after it, its like i am sure i will fail even tho i have a high chance that it will actually work this time,i am so scared of failing to the point that it will make me either fail on purpose or just never try from the beginning,does that actually mean that i want to live even if i know that i will gain nothing from being alive?

 

[SadGirl]

Try painless and fatal methods, as well as death from CO2 poisoning. Do you really want to die? I want it too, I just lost my father. But my "anchor" here now is my mother. Don't you have any anchors here?

 

[TerriblySadDay]

No not really, i've always been alone but it is my fault since i never try to talk to anyone, its pointless for me anyway.
I dont have alot of options since i have no accessiblity for any drugs or strong medications to make it a little painless, my only option is the physical methods.
I am sorry for your loss, wish it turns better : )

 

[LunarLight]

Beware of self-fulfilling prophecies

 

[SadGirl]

No not really, i've always been alone but it is my fault since i never try to talk to anyone, its pointless for me anyway.
I dont have alot of options since i have no accessiblity for any drugs or strong medications to make it a little painless, my only option is the physical methods.
I am sorry for your loss, wish it turns better : )

We are with you here on the forum, I am with you, if you need to vent, call me.

 

[TerriblySadDay]

I don't deserve it but thank you, I really appreciate that ♡

 

[SadGirl]

I don't deserve it but thank you, I really appreciate that ♡

I know it's difficult, but don't do the CTB, I'm sure there are people who care about you.

 

[nikkei]

It's a psychological thing. After you've made the decision, a wave of peace comes in. Because of that peace it is possible to imagine yourself after ect. That's why it's difficult to go through (fully) or imagine yourself doing it.

For me, after I've made the decision it's really hard to even attempt, because of the peace I feel rn.

Only knowing this information might help...