Eternal Disaster
IHaveDemonsInMyHead
- Aug 3, 2025
- 18
I still remember how enthralled I was when I found this lovely forum and lovely people.
For me this a safe place away from the cruel world of so called 'normal' people who wouldn't just accept me because I can't function as efficiently as them.
I wish I had registered earlier and hadn't wasted that time lurking around. I love SaSu . I love you all SaSu people.
I have always wanted to hear this for myself but I couldn't. So, I say this to you- " I accept you the way you are. I saw you tried , you did your best. I know you feel pain. I know you are suffering. I accept you even if you made a mistake. I don't set up a condition to love you.
I hope the best for you . I respect your choice and wish it all becomes easy for you. I hope you recover and shine like a gem in this world and if you choose to end it I hope you find peace and tranquility."
Thank you for not telling me to shut up when I talk about CTB , for being kind to me. Thank you for making me realise that doing those shitty wrist slits won't kill me. Thank you for just being there. The cruel world will never realise how much this place means to me. When I thought I will never be accepted anywhere, I was accepted here . When I thought I was completely numb , I felt different emotions here.
Last night,I realised that I won't be making it long. The scenarios are becoming worst so it's better to CTB than to go through that extreme pain. I wasn't meant to live. I was destined to end it myself. They think they are heroes by trapping me in this existence. They won't make world a better place but they want people like me to rot here.
I wanted to stay here a bit longer. I didn't even realise the few months turned into few days. I haven't even decided a method yet. I will do whatever it takes but I refuse to live with this suffering in this prison planet. I won't regret it ever. I just don't have the peace I wanted at this point of time. I wanted to prepare myself but I couldn't , may be because this brain is programmed for surviving.
No matter how big of an atheist I am , now I just want to be taken away by some higher power. I wish to die before killing myself , because it is difficult and now I want that much mercy.
Well, I still have some days so this is not a goodbye. And if I just end up in the ER or chicken out after talking big I will be back here without hesitation.
May be I am too overwhelmed that's why I am writing this all but I wanted to write this.
For me this a safe place away from the cruel world of so called 'normal' people who wouldn't just accept me because I can't function as efficiently as them.
I wish I had registered earlier and hadn't wasted that time lurking around. I love SaSu . I love you all SaSu people.
I have always wanted to hear this for myself but I couldn't. So, I say this to you- " I accept you the way you are. I saw you tried , you did your best. I know you feel pain. I know you are suffering. I accept you even if you made a mistake. I don't set up a condition to love you.
I hope the best for you . I respect your choice and wish it all becomes easy for you. I hope you recover and shine like a gem in this world and if you choose to end it I hope you find peace and tranquility."
Thank you for not telling me to shut up when I talk about CTB , for being kind to me. Thank you for making me realise that doing those shitty wrist slits won't kill me. Thank you for just being there. The cruel world will never realise how much this place means to me. When I thought I will never be accepted anywhere, I was accepted here . When I thought I was completely numb , I felt different emotions here.
Last night,I realised that I won't be making it long. The scenarios are becoming worst so it's better to CTB than to go through that extreme pain. I wasn't meant to live. I was destined to end it myself. They think they are heroes by trapping me in this existence. They won't make world a better place but they want people like me to rot here.
I wanted to stay here a bit longer. I didn't even realise the few months turned into few days. I haven't even decided a method yet. I will do whatever it takes but I refuse to live with this suffering in this prison planet. I won't regret it ever. I just don't have the peace I wanted at this point of time. I wanted to prepare myself but I couldn't , may be because this brain is programmed for surviving.
No matter how big of an atheist I am , now I just want to be taken away by some higher power. I wish to die before killing myself , because it is difficult and now I want that much mercy.
Well, I still have some days so this is not a goodbye. And if I just end up in the ER or chicken out after talking big I will be back here without hesitation.
May be I am too overwhelmed that's why I am writing this all but I wanted to write this.
