I'm sorry you're in this very dark place. You're not a pussy, dying is fucking hard. Millions of years of evolution has created multiple levels of safety systems designed to keep us alive at almost any cost. As if that wasn't bad enough, governments ban things that might make it easier, the effect is they use our minds and bodies against us to force us to give up on suicide. I think it's cruel, but it is what it is. You're not a pussy at all. These are systems that are working as intended. Personally my hope is that euthanasia will be legal here by the time I have a painful disease with no cure. It would be nicer still if they could legalise euthanasia for people who have just had enough of life and are just done with it, but that seems a very long way off. Compassionate legislation changes at a snails pace.
