Venting I WAS FINE

[NoFOMO]

I was "fine" until he came into my life.
We grew closer as friends and I loved his kid.
He often talked about me moving in with him and his kid. He told him he'd have two daddies.
I even helped them with resources.
Fast forward several (vague, yes) years and because of his divorce worsening his life took a sudden detour. He was divorced when we met.
His time and attention have gone to some bitch who offered him a place to stay at first.
Now they're inseparable. They seem to have so much in common.
I went from having the deepest bond I had ever had with anybody in my life to...this.
I KNEW I should've kept myself to myself. "Don't let anybody get too close". "They'll end up hurting you".
Did I listen to the little voice in the back of my mind? NO.
Did I follow my gut? NO.
If I don't end up CTB I should steel myself moving forward.
Focus on the few, quality friends I have who I have no deep bond with and live out my boring life doing what I used to do (fiddling on my PC, anime, games, shows, good food).

 

[Manja]

The thing I hate the most is when people say all the time if you don't open and trust to others you will end up sad and lonely....
Well guess what, whenever I did that I just ended up heartbroken and betrayed. Fuck that shit just listen to your gut

 

[NoFOMO]

The thing I hate the most is when people say all the time if you don't open and trust to others you will end up sad and lonely....
Well guess what, whenever I did that I just ended up heartbroken and betrayed. Fuck that shit just listen to your gut

So true!
The one and only "boyfriend" I had almost 15 years ago kept pestering me to open up.
I say "boyfriend" because he wanted to keep it under wraps. Small community where we're from and lots of mutual friends.
So eventually I did. I opened up.
He NOPEd out so fast my head was spinning.

 

[Manja]

In my case I realised parents are the only people who love you...everyone else is out for their own ass or just using you...

 

[Brick In The Wall]

People are fickle and sometimes you just can't win. Dating and commitment have also gone down the tubes in recent years. I hope you have better luck in the future OP. Definitely keep an eye out for red flags and keep your guard up.

 

[sleepless]

The thing I hate the most is when people say all the time if you don't open and trust to others you will end up sad and lonely....
Well guess what, whenever I did that I just ended up heartbroken and betrayed. Fuck that shit just listen to your gut

I feel the idea always seems good when you think you are starting to get close to someone. You tell yourself maybe you could let yourself be vulnerable this time. Maybe someone could finally accept your flaws. But it always seems the result always backfire. I've given opening up a few chances, even to family members, but it's unfortunate nothing has changed, and I feel that by exposing my weaknesses, has given people a chance to use them against me, and alter their views towards me. It's my sad experience.

 

[Manja]

I feel the idea always seems good when you think you are starting to get close to someone. You tell yourself maybe you could let yourself be vulnerable this time. Maybe someone could finally accept your flaws. But it always seems the result always backfire. I've given opening up a few chances, even to family members, but it's unfortunate nothing has changed, and I feel that by exposing my weaknesses, has given people a chance to use them against me, and alter their views towards me. It's my sad experience.

I guess I betrayed myself first bc instead of listening to my gut I listened to the crap they were telling me, let myself being pursuaded even though I didn't feel good about it...multiple times lol

 

[Moonicide]

I'm so sorry, love. My heart goes out to you... I know you're hurting really bad right now and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I hope you find peace, whether that is moving forward or ctb.

 

[anchored_astronaut]

Your pain is so vividly expressed here. I wish I could express my sympathy equally well, but I can't seem to. I do want to say though that it shows a lot of bravery and resilience to keep a foot in the door of life as it seems you are, mentioning persisting for the people and things that you care about. You should be proud of that.