I was able to acquire a dopamine blocker And honestly I feel a tremendous sense of relief.

[Cress]

I was At my doctor's office discussing my treatment plan for my condition And I was given a very heavy immunosuppressant to help treat my Neuropathy condition although it comes with some risks Like blood cancer and such. My quality of life Is poor enough that seems worth the risks though. Towards the end of the appointment I was able to ask my doctor for a dopamine blocker. I was told that this is one of the more difficult And expensive things to acquire and opens up a lot more options for Catching the bus.

I'm optimistic about trying a new treatment plan but it's also a tremendous relief that I have assembled one aspect To have an effective method. I don't have SN yet but I guess that's just something I'll have to figure out at a later point.

I've been smiling pretty much the whole day and it's mostly because I have both options available to me both to stay and try to continue treatment and continue life And if I want to continue working towards catching the bus I'm moving one step closer to that.

I feel a little bad that I'm tricking society into giving me the things that I need to eventually catch the bus but I feel kinda forced into that position as the only alternative that they offered me was a violent death.

I just want to be able to curl up into a ball on my couch while listening to music as I pass away Without needing to resort to being violently ripped apart by a train :(

I wish society Would allow people more freedom in regards to catching the bus But I know that's not something that's going to happen for a long time as they're extremely hostile to it.

This is the first time in a while that I actually just kind of feel free. I'm free to live and free to die. I'm not forced to make a particular choice. I still have a lot of work before either is possible but I feel like the possibilities are at least open to me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so relieved, I find it so horrible how this society is so incredibly anti-suicide, it's beyond cruel how other people wish to force us to suffer until we die anyway.