plsimnotokay
I just keep telling myself it’ll be alright
- Jun 6, 2022
- 49
I've been a lurker on this site for a while before joining. I just want to say how thankful I am for this site. It's a place I find comfort in and don't feel so alone. I'm 25 and this is the year I'll finally CTB. I don't feel as scared as I used to and even if I do get scared sometimes, the pain I feel is too hard to endure. I have BPD, PTSD, Bipolar, depression, and anxiety. I am on so many medications and I hate it. I can never sleep so I'm tired all the time and my mind races. When I do sleep it's nightmare after nightmare reliving my childhood horrors. It is such hell inside my mind. My mom tried to suffocate me in my sleep numerous times when I was a child and was an alcoholic who constantly tried to stab me with a knife whenever she was drunk. They divorced. My dad molested me since I was 4 until 8 when my stepmom caught him but never did anything about it. My stepbrother also molested me. I now have a boyfriend who is abusive but I can't leave because I live with him and he won't let me leave. He threatens me. I wanted to wait until October to CTB because it's my favorite month. I love Halloween and pumpkins. But I don't think I can hold on much longer. I am also in so much debt from school and credit cards because of medical visits. I'm ready to leave this world. I just need to find one day to be alone but I'm not alone these days because of my last attempt. Thank you to anyone who reads this.