I want to sleep forever, CTB by carbon monoxide posioning

[FireFox]

My depression, anxiety and anoxeria has progressed to the point everyday when I wake up I feel tired and flu like alll the time. All I know is I don't want my existence anymore. Everyday I wish I was someone else because no man sees anything special in me. Other women are special because they get picked how I wish I was them. They are lucky ones I am not. All I have ever known is male rejection and its absolutely hurts me how I have never been a woman a man really wanted. It's not just men I am unsuccessful with my 20s have been a long line of disappointments and I don't want to see another 10 years.

I honestly now believe life is only worth living if you get whatever you want whether its the person you really wanted or achieved something enormous ie successful career or contributed to something to society. Life is a gamble i personally don't believe it is worth the risk of staying on if something better comes along.

Outside this forum nobody understands how I feel which contributes to me feeling severely isolated. I have been reaching out for years but the people around me just dismissed my feelings, never wanted to listen and only kept telling me what to feel and believe by stating annoying platitudes such as "everything happens for reason", "people have it worse than you" , ", you are so young."

I finally can't do it anymore. I just want to set up a tent, use carbon monoxide and go to a nice beauty spot either Epping Forest in London or somewhere with an enormous field outside just to sleep forever. Life just never was for me i see it now.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

ED's are absolute hell. I can definitely relate, been with Ana for 15+ years. it's a mind and body fuck

i'm sorry life handed you shit cards. it's not your fault. we're here for you

 

[FireFox]

ED's are absolute hell. I can definitely relate, been with Ana for 15+ years. it's a mind and body fuck

i'm sorry life handed you shit cards. it's not your fault. we're here for you

@opheliaoveragain I can't live with anoxeria but I can't leave without it either. I just love the emotional numbness I feel.

One of the reasons why I relapsed is because I wanted to turn off all the emotional pain. All I have ever known is turn off negative feelings and self harming because my family never taught me how to cope properly with things going wrong. All my family ever peach is that bullshit pharse "everything happens for a reason"

● As a teenager my mum saw my cuts on my wrist and refused for me to see a therapist because she didn't want social services involved yep her words. In the UK social services also get involved even if there is no abuse in the family and my mum in her job she saw how social services harass or interfere in minority and working class families over minor issues while serious abuse gets ignored.

My family complained how I made their lives difficult because I self harm.

I wish my mum put me in therapy at 16 because throughout my 20s I have struggled to regulate my emotions healthily. To numb pain I stop eating.

● If I get rejected by a man i wanted i go into deep depression for many months even to year and feel rejection more intensely. I can't over someone the way everyone else can.

● I constantly make contingency plans to feel in control.

I wish i could be normal.

 

[TheoPhage]

For me CO poisoning is plan-B, for some reason after joining this forum and being introduced to SN, i feel SN could be the appetizer and I'mma finish up with with CO only If I'm feeling frisky. My gut lining could take anythign I throw at it.. I'm drunk before bedtime most days with anti-depressents and SSRIs, and benzos and load up when I'm driving home from work, a 12hr nap is one for the win these days.
Also I'm talking pure CO 99.999% i acquired as part of a science experiment for renewable energy. It costs 600$ per 10L cyllinder from airproducts when I got it 2022....

I let just one turn of the cyllinder lose one time, and immediately turn it back close, had to air out my apartment for a day, and was getting intense palpilations, went to the pharmacy and got oxygen canisters to feel ok again.... phew...

 

[FireFox]

For me CO poisoning is plan-B, for some reason after joining this forum and being introduced to SN, i feel SN could be the appetizer and I'mma finish up with with CO only If I'm feeling frisky. My gut lining could take anythign I throw at it.. I'm drunk before bedtime most days with anti-depressents and SSRIs, and benzos and load up when I'm driving home from work, a 12hr nap is one for the win these days.
Also I'm talking pure CO 99.999% i acquired as part of a science experiment for renewable energy. It costs 600$ per 10L cyllinder from airproducts when I got it 2022....

I let just one turn of the cyllinder lose one time, and immediately turn it back close, had to air out my apartment for a day, and was getting intense palpilations, went to the pharmacy and got oxygen canisters to feel ok again.... phew...

@TheoPhage SN is hard to access especially in my country. The government has strict regulations over possession of posions and people buying posions which can led to criminal penalties.

My mums partner knew a family of a woman who was suicidal. One day she was looking to buy a posion and she had the police knocking at door and questioning her use for trying to obtain a posion. The woman eventually went on to kill herself.

SN is my desired method but I don't want issues with the authorities. Which is why I am looking at other methods