Venting I want to show people I'm suffering

[Skymaiden]

Its always people(family especially) saying I'm too sensitive or that I'm over exaggerating when I say I'm hurting. My parents say I'm faking it so I can get what I want. The first time I told my mom I want to kill myself she told me "You are just saying that to get what you want. How dare you threaten me with that". Makes me want to just kill myself to prove them all wrong. I don't want this to be the reason I go but I cant help but think what would happen if it did.
Like some sort of proof that I really did suffer. I feel evil for even wanting such thing but I cant help it. The people who drove me to this point think its a joke or think they are doing it for me. They aren't bad people, they love me I know, but they make me feel ugly, unwanted and useless. I guess I just want people to know that though action since words don't work.

I don't really have anything to live for and I'm tired of living for other people's sake. Sorry for the random rambling haha. Wish I had the courage to do it.

 

[Nymph]

Bro I relate so bad, my mom also thinks I'm just over exaggerating and that I'm being angsty or whatever. I literally told her that I'm suicidal and that I think about ctb 24/7 but she doesn't get it. She just doesn't seem to understand it, I try to explain to her but idk...I literally have everything I need, if I just didn't have a rabbit I could ctb any time to "prove her"

 

[Wrennie]

I totally get where you're coming from. The unfortunate reality is that people who dismiss you for being suicidal already have their heads stuffed so far up their own arses that nothing you do to yourself is going to make them see things any differently. When I jumped out of a window I'd hoped that giving my pain tangible form would make my parents reflect on what they did to drive me to that point, but ultimately it just made them more resolute in believing that their actions toward me were justified.

It certainly isn't easy, and I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

 

[Lady black]

That sounds just like the old shit: You told it so you won´t do it... People are so wrong

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Its always people(family especially) saying I'm too sensitive or that I'm over exaggerating when I say I'm hurting. My parents say I'm faking it so I can get what I want. The first time I told my mom I want to kill myself she told me "You are just saying that to get what you want. How dare you threaten me with that". Makes me want to just kill myself to prove them all wrong. I don't want this to be the reason I go but I cant help but think what would happen if it did.
Like some sort of proof that I really did suffer. I feel evil for even wanting such thing but I cant help it. The people who drove me to this point think its a joke or think they are doing it for me. They aren't bad people, they love me I know, but they make me feel ugly, unwanted and useless. I guess I just want people to know that though action since words don't work.

I don't really have anything to live for and I'm tired of living for other people's sake. Sorry for the random rambling haha. Wish I had the courage to do it.

I am sorry Sky, but I do not understand what you expect from others. They cannot enter your head, tweak the issues and straighten out your thinking. I am very serious here I would really like to understand. What do you want them to do? Please note that I really am suicidal, and have three different methods to use. All are highly lethal, and all should work, but if the first one does not then I shall use the second, and if that does not work I will unfortunately have no choice, but to risk harm to others...I am definitely going...one way or another. I have built up a history with the authorities which has led them to believe I am merely threatening and will not actually commit the act. I keep none of the means I will use on hand. There is nothing impulsive for me in this. Neither is SI a problem for me. There is so much I read on this site which makes absolutely no sense to me, and this seeming belief that others should intervene on our behalf is a big part of the picture. What can they offer? Only what is already available, and obviously useless. I hope I have not offended you by this, but can anybody explain? Hugs Sky.

That sounds just like the old shit: You told it so you won´t do it... People are so wrong

I have always believed that Lady. Not so much anymore, but I was thoroughly convinced that those who speak do not do. Right or wrong. I have used this concept to my advantage. Led them to believe I merely want attention or am simply accustomed to thinking of suicide on a daily basis. Either way I no longer have to concern myself about the authorities. I am not on any mood modifiers and have to wonder if that is the difference between me and most of those on here. Sorry veered off topic for a minute.

 

[Deleted member 25174]

At the moment I am talking openly about my ideation and compulsion to self harm. The dr last week was trying to hospitalise me. I told her straight when I stop talking about it and clam up that's going to be exactly when I do it. I'm older though and talk almost jovially about suicide. I've lived through too many attempts and like poof said I'm at a point where I've got my preferred method and 2 back ups, set up and ready when I am. My mum is very open about not being able to understand mental health issues because if she's sad she'll go for a drive and believe me when I tell you that poor woman's had an horrific life but she just doesn't get it so I don't keep forcing it on her. I talk to the gp and recently my friends. 2 if them are psychiatric nurses though and the other 2 just listen. When they offer advice I laugh at them for the stupid shit they say and they take the piss back. I found out my daughter self harmed and even with my long and effed up history I had no idea what to do. I made her speak to the gp. If people say they love you and want you here and would lose themselves if you died would you be happy or feel like they're guilt tripping you? If they make you go the drs and you end up in hospital is that what you're looking for? I have found that talking about it makes me less likely to act on it but I know that's just me . It's when I stop talking about it they need to worry because that's when I'm getting my mind straight to go through with it

 

[Deleted member 1768]

At the moment I am talking openly about my ideation and compulsion to self harm. The dr last week was trying to hospitalise me. I told her straight when I stop talking about it and clam up that's going to be exactly when I do it. I'm older though and talk almost jovially about suicide. I've lived through too many attempts and like poof said I'm at a point where I've got my preferred method and 2 back ups, set up and ready when I am. My mum is very open about not being able to understand mental health issues because if she's sad she'll go for a drive and believe me when I tell you that poor woman's had an horrific life but she just doesn't get it so I don't keep forcing it on her. I talk to the gp and recently my friends. 2 if them are psychiatric nurses though and the other 2 just listen. When they offer advice I laugh at them for the stupid shit they say and they take the piss back. I found out my daughter self harmed and even with my long and effed up history I had no idea what to do. I made her speak to the gp. If people say they love you and want you here and would lose themselves if you died would you be happy or feel like they're guilt tripping you? If they make you go the drs and you end up in hospital is that what you're looking for? I have found that talking about it makes me less likely to act on it but I know that's just me . It's when I stop talking about it they need to worry because that's when I'm getting my mind straight to go through with it

That is me Bear...except I do have the means...and other than this site I have said nothing to anyone about my plans/method. I am sorry Chucky. Well said hon. Well said.

 

[NodusTollens]

Wow, I am so sorry. The environment you're living in sounds incredibly invalidating. —hugs—

I don't have anything of value to contribute, I just wanted to say I can understand your feelings about wanting to get back at them.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I feel that, it's like I have some kind of barrier up that stops people's empathy from working on me so they just ignore all my feelings

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I feel that, it's like I have some kind of barrier up that stops people's empathy from working on me so they just ignore all my feelings

I have extreme empathy. A curse and a blessing, but it is very difficult to understand what those like yourself are going through. Just as you could never understand cancer pain until you have it, and how can anyone help? Those things which are in place to 'help' psychological suffering obviously rarely work, but nothing is done to make changes to the system. Only those in the field, either patients/practitioners can make the necessary adjustments to a highly faulty system which lends itself to suicidal ideation. Nobody ignores your feelings, but said system makes assisting you impossible. You are given drugs...when guidance is required. So what are friends and family supposed to do? Must they censor themselves? Ignore their own needs entirely to cater to yours? Can anyone answer this question without blaming some poor befuddled soul who cannot read minds? Seriously...what are the so-called 'normies' supposed to do? How are they supposed to behave? If that can be answered there may yet be hope for many, many suicidal people.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I have extreme empathy. A curse and a blessing, but it is very difficult to understand what those like yourself are going through. Just as you could never understand cancer pain until you have it, and how can anyone help? Those things which are in place to 'help' psychological suffering obviously rarely work, but nothing is done to make changes to the system. Only those in the field, either patients/practitioners can make the necessary adjustments to a highly faulty system which lends itself to suicidal ideation. Nobody ignores your feelings, but said system makes assisting you impossible. You are given drugs...when guidance is required. So what are friends and family supposed to do? Must they censor themselves? Ignore their own needs entirely to cater to yours? Can anyone answer this question without blaming some poor befuddled soul who cannot read minds? Seriously...what are the so-called 'normies' supposed to do? How are they supposed to behave? If that can be answered there may yet be hope for many, many suicidal people.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't expect anyone to DO anything. I just want them to take me seriously and not invalidate my feelings and what I'm going through. I don't expect them to understand, but it would be nice if they simply believed me when I say it's as bad as it is. I don't think that's asking for much, but maybe it is.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't expect anyone to DO anything. I just want them to take me seriously and not invalidate my feelings and what I'm going through. I don't expect them to understand, but it would be nice if they simply believed me when I say it's as bad as it is. I don't think that's asking for much, but maybe it is.

That is definitely not asking too much Me. No matter who a person is or what they are going through listening is always important. I do understand that Me. But it brings me right back to fighting the drug regime. Psychiatrists used to listen, now they prescribe. Is there no one you can talk to Me? (((Hugs)))

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't expect anyone to DO anything. I just want them to take me seriously and not invalidate my feelings and what I'm going through. I don't expect them to understand, but it would be nice if they simply believed me when I say it's as bad as it is. I don't think that's asking for much, but maybe it is.

No, it is not too much to ask. Hugs.