i want to kill myself but im being held hostage by my parents

[imastain]

i hate myself. i hate my life. i hate my face. i am ugly as shit. an abomination. and honestly more than anything i cant stand the indignity of being ugly. and i cant fucking come to terms with my face. i hate it i hate it so much. i have severe bdd and i have sought professional help for it but no fucking progress.

zero self esteem. a total fucking wreck. i have zero hope. im tired of all the trauma and im a fucking mess from everything ive been through. sexual assault, molestation, domestic abuse and losing my brother to suicide. and that was after i was already suicidal as shit. and im tired of feeling horrible all the fucking time. but i still cant kms because everyone around me guilt trips me into being alive. i fucking hate this. i mean i love my parents and i care for them but i cant bear this agony i legitimately cant. i have nothing in life. absolutely nothing. nothing to look forward to. and because im not even allowed a escape i just have to hang in here killing time till my parents pass away so i can kms and its so fucking difficult?? i mean ffs life is tedious enough for regular people but that they're able to make it because they have a future, something to look forward to. i don't. i have nothing. NOTHING.


i wish they would let me go away im not meant for this world. there's no reason for me to be here. i wish i had succeeded when i last attempted. i had pharma grade fent patches and it was nice knowing i could ctb whenever i wanted to but now that's gone too ffs

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to endure, and I think it's inhumane forcing someone else to suffer like that, they really shouldn't have any right to do such a thing as none of us are obligated to continue existing here, it's like many people forget that we are all just going to die anyway.