Venting I want to kill my thoughts

[AtomicWaffles]

At this point the question of wether I wish to die or not is a shaky one. Simply put, I just don't want to think anymore. I just want to stop having these thoughts that continue to haunt me brutally when I don't want them, and why? What have I done that has warranted such brutal torture onto me?? It's almost to a point where I wonder if I DESERVE to be locked up in a Ward. I just wish so so SO badly I could just not think anymore, not die no, just not think. I just want the silence, the peace.

I'm so unbearable screwed up in so many ways and my brain teases me with these short lived happy phases just to beat me back down to the dirt bloody. It's not fair, nothing is fair but I guess "that's life", isn't it? I have had so many fucked up thoughts it's even surpassed just wanting to CTB, but I won't go into that, not publicly. All in all I just want the thoughts to stop and I don't want to die right now I just want peace, but I have said too much and done too much.

 

[KillingPain267]

Same. I tried with drugs, but eventually my conscious clear mind returns. I tried sleeping a lot but then I am disappointed when waking up. The next best thing is a coma, but even that is not guaranteed to be thoughtless. I tried antidepressives and anxiety meds but they barely take the edge off. I doubt you can find a doctor that would perform lobotomies. So as of now, the only final solution to my tormenting thoughts is to kill my brainstem completely, which means suicide. That's why I'm on this site.

 

[AtomicWaffles]

Same. I tried with drugs, but eventually my conscious clear mind returns. I tried sleeping a lot but then I am disappointed when waking up. The next best thing is a coma, but even that is not guaranteed to be thoughtless. I tried antidepressives and anxiety meds but they barely take the edge off. I doubt you can find a doctor that would perform lobotomies. So as of now, the only final solution to my tormenting thoughts is to kill my brainstem completely, which means suicide. That's why I'm on this site.

Yep, it's so frustrating to me, when I sit here and talk about how I just wish I could simply not think all I am doing is grabbing at straws that don't exist. In the end there's only one solution and you already said what it is.