Help I want to do self harm

[ilistentoradiohead]

I'm new to this website from a friend and I thought I might use this opportunity to ask a few questions here and there ans just vent my heart out.

I want to do self harm. I've done it twice, but those were just like, very very small cuts I did with my scissors. They were like tiny dots and maybe if you look at it, even closely, it's just like any other normal wounds caused by something natural like something accidentally scratches you or something. But this time I want to do it seriously, I want to self harm but I just don't have the courage to do it. I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I am not so sure when it comes to this. I want to hurt myself so badly but the thought of blood suddenly spurting out from my skin just scares me. Maybe I'm scared of blood? I don't know, I just need the courage to do so. Just that.

 

[notwavinbutdrowning]

Hello :) I totally understand your need to SH. My reason was to punish myself. Are you willing to share your reasons?

As to ways to SH. I have found not eating for 2-3 days as a way of feeling a constant kind of pain and punishment. I have cut before but find that the short term relief (when you feel the rush of pain/adrenaline) doesnt last very long and has a messy clear up. I also beat myself with a belt as that seems to be quite painful without drawing blood.

If you are looking for safer ways, I've heard lots of advice about holding a block of ice, eating a hot chilli and using elastic bands on your wrists.

 

[TheWorld'sLeftovers]

I don't really know about general SH tips, but I'll just leave how I do it:
I just take a pocketknife and slowly move it back and forth on my wrist. To start, you don't have to apply any pressure at all. Put your arm on a table and let gravity do it. It won't make very deep or sharp cuts. Once you get used to that, you can gradually add more and more pressure. Once you have enough pressure, you can stop doing it on a table. It took me about a week to see red blood, and about a month to get a small drop to form, so this method is relatively blood-free. Its just on any night, when I'm trying to sleep, if the day was particularly bad, I'll just do it. Recently I've moved up from my wrist to the forearm because I see people starting to notice.
There are probably better ways to do it, but this is what I've done.

 

[ilistentoradiohead]

Hello :) I totally understand your need to SH. My reason was to punish myself. Are you willing to share your reasons?

As to ways to SH. I have found not eating for 2-3 days as a way of feeling a constant kind of pain and punishment. I have cut before but find that the short term relief (when you feel the rush of pain/adrenaline) doesnt last very long and has a messy clear up. I also beat myself with a belt as that seems to be quite painful without drawing blood.

If you are looking for safer ways, I've heard lots of advice about holding a block of ice, eating a hot chilli and using elastic bands on your wrists.

Yes I do have a lot, but mainly because I want to punish myself and make myself more hurt because I want to feel something.

I've starved for several days but it's only me only eating one meal each day and sometimes I think that's not enough. My parents have been commenting on my weight a lot and me starving myself even more might lead to a bigger problem with them as well.

Is it ok if I strangle myself with a belt? But I have bad memories with strangling so idk if I should do it, but I wanna try it.

I don't really know about general SH tips, but I'll just leave how I do it:
I just take a pocketknife and slowly move it back and forth on my wrist. To start, you don't have to apply any pressure at all. Put your arm on a table and let gravity do it. It won't make very deep or sharp cuts. Once you get used to that, you can gradually add more and more pressure. Once you have enough pressure, you can stop doing it on a table. It took me about a week to see red blood, and about a month to get a small drop to form, so this method is relatively blood-free. Its just on any night, when I'm trying to sleep, if the day was particularly bad, I'll just do it. Recently I've moved up from my wrist to the forearm because I see people starting to notice.
There are probably better ways to do it, but this is what I've done.

Thank you for helping me out, I'll consider doing this once I get a new cutter. (I broke the previous one)

 

[notrealmatthew]

Hi there!
My first SH was for some kind of punishment for myself. Put out a cigarette to my hand.
Second SH was big enough, but was in illegal drugs OD, because it helped me ignore any pain. I made near 70 cuts on my chest, legs and arm. Not hard cuts, but for sure noticeable. It was also for a punishment and as a remember for next mistakes.

After half of a year i started SH literally every day, because i was feeling so much guilt. SH helped me a lot by changing myind focus from emotions into physical pain.

I was addicted to it, but i stopped doing SH only after my first big CTB.

I still do have a lot of scars on my legs, chest and especially hands. And a little bit on my face (i was drunk, don't touch you face, it's not worth it i guess)

 

[ilistentoradiohead]

Hi there!
My first SH was for some kind of punishment for myself. Put out a cigarette to my hand.
Second SH was big enough, but was in illegal drugs OD, because it helped me ignore any pain. I made near 70 cuts on my chest, legs and arm. Not hard cuts, but for sure noticeable. It was also for a punishment and as a remember for next mistakes.

After half of a year i started SH literally every day, because i was feeling so much guilt. SH helped me a lot by changing myind focus from emotions into physical pain.

I was addicted to it, but i stopped doing SH only after my first big CTB.

I still do have a lot of scars on my legs, chest and especially hands. And a little bit on my face (i was drunk, don't touch you face, it's not worth it i guess)

Thank you for the tips!

 

[passivethought121]

Depends on what you use. Cheap utility knives won't cut an artery unless you use a lot of strength. And you could proceed with a fear of blood. I think I subconsciously do, because Im always on the brink of fainting despite my cuts never even hitting the layer of fat. And then I stabilize once I bandage them. I guess the fear manifests in cuts that'll never be deep enough, no matter how much I wanted them to.

Started cutting after episodes of severe anger @ myself and concluded it's a necessary punishment. Then after a year I did it because it brought me to the present.

Also tried not eating and while that worked, I'd eventually eat again and binge, and the anger from that would just make me cut more.

Stopped cutting after a while cause I couldn't be bothered to clean up or get a better blade. Now I just take scalding showers. Less expensive and no cleanup.

 

[velocitydesigncmfrt]

unrelated but i love ur username! whats ur fav song by them?

 

[.ᴍᴀʏᴜ.]

Not gonna get super in depth as to why, similar as everyone else here. Started as a way to punish myself and avoid emotions that I couldn't handle. Eventually became reliant/addicted to it. I usually use a box cutter on my thighs/arms. I honestly don't recommend it cause the cuts are deep and leave VERY visible scars to the point where I have to wear pants and long sleeves. Sorry for rambling lol
i hope some of this was helpful <3

 

[jellie]

hi :)

I am a self-harmer and I experienced a lot of the same nervousness around cutting. one of the main draws for me is seeing blood and having scars. somehow it makes my emotional pain feel more real, and the act of cutting gives you a little rush. I started with scratching myself with keys which did not cause me to bleed and was not actually very satisfying to my urge to self-harm. a lot of people are different but seeing beads of blood is my main satisfaction.

if you are looking to cut, I would use a razor that you shave with (not the blade though). I have found that using a razor, you can cut and see blood, but are not able to cut so deep that you would risk needing medical attention.

always take care of your cuts and make sure they are clean, you do not want infected cuts.

and as far as placement, I personally use my thigh. I find that it is easier to hide since it is pretty much always normal to wear pants. I used to SH on my wrists but I found it to be too visible and my father ended up seeing it. but placement is always up to you, the wrist and forearm is a classic, but I find the thigh is easier to hide.

sending love <3

 

[Borderline]

Once you start you can't stop it's an addiction.

 

[Kobusu]

I also listen to Radiohead.

Sorry I just liked the name. As for SH, I cant caution against it enough, you can genuinely get addicted and it becomes habitual. It's not worth it (I'm barely a year clean atp).

 

[ilistentoradiohead]

unrelated but i love ur username! whats ur fav song by them?

Currently obsessed with "Gagging Order" and "Identikit" !! :D

I also listen to Radiohead.

Sorry I just liked the name. As for SH, I cant caution against it enough, you can genuinely get addicted and it becomes habitual. It's not worth it (I'm barely a year clean atp).

yeah...im very aware of that. but thank you for the advice, ill take it to consideration!

hi :)

I am a self-harmer and I experienced a lot of the same nervousness around cutting. one of the main draws for me is seeing blood and having scars. somehow it makes my emotional pain feel more real, and the act of cutting gives you a little rush. I started with scratching myself with keys which did not cause me to bleed and was not actually very satisfying to my urge to self-harm. a lot of people are different but seeing beads of blood is my main satisfaction.

if you are looking to cut, I would use a razor that you shave with (not the blade though). I have found that using a razor, you can cut and see blood, but are not able to cut so deep that you would risk needing medical attention.

always take care of your cuts and make sure they are clean, you do not want infected cuts.

and as far as placement, I personally use my thigh. I find that it is easier to hide since it is pretty much always normal to wear pants. I used to SH on my wrists but I found it to be too visible and my father ended up seeing it. but placement is always up to you, the wrist and forearm is a classic, but I find the thigh is easier to hide.

sending love <3

thank you for the tips, im planning to do it on my upper arm.

Not gonna get super in depth as to why, similar as everyone else here. Started as a way to punish myself and avoid emotions that I couldn't handle. Eventually became reliant/addicted to it. I usually use a box cutter on my thighs/arms. I honestly don't recommend it cause the cuts are deep and leave VERY visible scars to the point where I have to wear pants and long sleeves. Sorry for rambling lol
i hope some of this was helpful <3

it's totally fine, and thank you for the tips! ♡

Not gonna get super in depth as to why, similar as everyone else here. Started as a way to punish myself and avoid emotions that I couldn't handle. Eventually became reliant/addicted to it. I usually use a box cutter on my thighs/arms. I honestly don't recommend it cause the cuts are deep and leave VERY visible scars to the point where I have to wear pants and long sleeves. Sorry for rambling lol
i hope some of this was helpful <3

it's totally fine, and thank you for the tips! ♡

 

[ElectronicPoet]

I'm new to this website from a friend and I thought I might use this opportunity to ask a few questions here and there ans just vent my heart out.

I want to do self harm. I've done it twice, but those were just like, very very small cuts I did with my scissors. They were like tiny dots and maybe if you look at it, even closely, it's just like any other normal wounds caused by something natural like something accidentally scratches you or something. But this time I want to do it seriously, I want to self harm but I just don't have the courage to do it. I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I am not so sure when it comes to this. I want to hurt myself so badly but the thought of blood suddenly spurting out from my skin just scares me. Maybe I'm scared of blood? I don't know, I just need the courage to do so. Just that.

I'm also sort of a scaredy-cat, so here's my method!
I've disassembled many shaving razors and pulled out the singular blades (you can obtain them however you want.) After that, I use the very corner of the blade and poke it into my thigh, gently. I sort of let myself breathe and hold it there, it's relaxing. When I'm ready, I apply juuust enough pressure to make a shallow cut still with the corner of the blade. I find that the corner helps give me more control. I'm able to grip the rest of the blade better and the fine point of the corner makes it easier to get the exact deepness and length of my cut I desire. Then I watch the blood for a bit until I'm done and rinse/bandage.
You mentioned you made very small cuts which is easier to do with a corner! (corner, corner, corner, I know lol) If you cut shallow enough and rinse the wound quickly, it shouldn't bleed too bad. It certainly doesn't "suddently spurt." Honestly, I think you'd have to cut pretty deep and fast for it to be so dramatic. If that doesn't work and you don't like the blood still, there are plenty of alternative non-bloody self harm options, and a plus is that (most) don't leave scars. Stay safe! <3