Help i need tips for explaining to my partner why i self harm

[sodalover]

hello,

my partner knows i harm myself, and he wants to help me stop. but its one of the few ways i can deal with life, and if i can't do it, i feel like i'll start spiraling out of control. i'm not sure how to explain this to my partner without saying, "i need this, or i'm going to lose it." can anyone give me advice on how to explain it to him?

 

[luks]

there's really no right answer here. no matter what, self destructive behaviors are going to effect the people in your life who love you. not trying to put your down or anything, my struggle with self harm has effected every single relationship i've been in, so ik how it feels. the best way to go about it is explaining to your partner that it's something you have difficulty controlling, and asking him to be there for you when you need it. him forcing, or trying to get you to stop, is going to be extremely unhealthy and stressful for the both of you. you need to explain to him that it's not his role or job to make you stop, but rather you need his support when shit gets rough.

otherwise you'll fall into some bad codependency. hope this makes sense

 

[sodalover]

thank you this was really helpful ^_^

 

[dinosavr]

Just like luks said. There's no reason you could choose that would be enough for him, he won't understand it. So imo it's the best if you blamed it on the disorder/disease that makes you do it and asked for his support, whether you want it for real or not necessarily.

If you feel that you can't handle it, maybe try finding a way to self harm without him noticing that. They tend to be much less satisfying but at least that's something.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I agree with all of the above.

It's something you do that makes you feel better, it's like popping a balloon. Although, unfortunately, it's a vicious cycle that's hard to break. He wants you to stop, because he cares, and he doesn't understand - most don't. He won't understand how difficult it is for you

Try to explain how hard you find things, and you feel this is the only way, you can't just stop - it's like a drug. It's YOUR coping mechanism - we all have them - healthy or not.

I completely understand this as I used to cut for many years.

If you want help, you can ask a professional. That is far too much responsibility for your partner to take on, and that definitely isn't fair. But that's only if you want to ask for help, it is entirely your decision.

 

[msesis]

I think also sometimes it would feel better and help more for loved ones to help with the depression or things causing the depression and not the symptoms themselves. You cut for a reason. It's so much more helpful for him to be there for you and help you through rather than stop you from cutting. Because that may stop you from cutting but the reasons will still be there. And it will just manifest in some other coping mechanism.