I want to do it so bad but I can't

[snooperdooper]

I've been messing with a fucking shoelace around my neck for so long and it's just not working. No matter what I do my head just swells and I can never hit the carotid artery or whatever. My SN got intercepted so I can't do that. All other options are unavailable to me. I feel like a week or two ago I finally hit my limit and I've been reaching past that ever since. I thought I could handle this constant loop but I can't. It's too fucking much. And now I can't even break free from it if I wanted to. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck