Venting I want to be special so much.

[ironrain]

I have no shame I know lol. Whatever. Anyway, I want to be special so much. But I can't. It's so frustrating. And sometimes my delusions win and I think that maybe, one day... But then the reality hits me like a truck on full speed and I the force of the collision sends me into another spiral again. Fucking hate life.

 

[themisfit]

I understand. Being special would somehow compensate all that we have suffered

Moreover, it would give all this suffering a meaning, a purpose

The problem is there is no reason why. There is no purpose. Some people are meant to be happy. Others are not

That's the way it is…

 

[ironrain]

I understand. Being special would somehow compensate all that we have suffered

Moreover, it would give all this suffering a meaning, a purpose

The problem is there is no reason why. There is no purpose. Some people are meant to be happy. Others are not

That's the way it is…

Yep. Agreed. Always thought I was born with a role of being a background character.

 

[unluckysadness]

I have no shame I know lol. Whatever. Anyway, I want to be special so much. But I can't. It's so frustrating. And sometimes my delusions win and I think that maybe, one day... But then the reality hits me like a truck on full speed and I the force of the collision sends me into another spiral again. Fucking hate life.View attachment 199853

This drawing makes me think about the movie "Harold & Maude". You may like the character if you don't know the movie.
I know your feeling. I always wanted to be like Van Gogh, in the sense my suffering would have a meaning. But I'm just a loser who worked hard and didn't have chance.

 

[ironrain]

This drawing makes me think about the movie "Harold & Maude". You may like the character if you don't know the movie.
I know your feeling. I always wanted to be like Van Gogh, in the sense my suffering would have a meaning. But I'm just a loser who worked hard and didn't have chance.

I feel you. Logically I know that talented people who suffer are just as miserable as me, if not more, but this need to be better exists in every human, I guess.

I've just got a crazy off topic thought but maybe if I could get a superpower is to directly feel what a person feels. Superempathy. I'm sure it'd be a curse to have something like this, especially when a person who's emotions you want go read is evil, but I'd want to not just say "yeah, I'm sorry for how you feel" but actually feel it, emotionally.

Or maybe I'm just autistic lol. Haven't had diagnosis yet.

 

[unluckysadness]

I feel you. Logically I know that talented people who suffer are just as miserable as me, if not more, but this need to be better exists in every human, I guess.

I've just got a crazy off topic thought but maybe if I could get a superpower is to directly feel what a person feels. Superempathy. I'm sure it'd be a curse to have something like this, especially when a person who's emotions you want go read is evil, but I'd want to not just say "yeah, I'm sorry for how you feel" but actually feel it, emotionally.

Or maybe I'm just autistic lol. Haven't had diagnosis yet.

I'm probably autistic too (neurodivergent for sure). I made a poll last year about it and A LOT of people here are autistic (not surprising as we know that autistic people are more depressed and higher risks of suicide)

Are you autistic ? (poll)

I see a lot of posts of people telling they have autism. We know that suicide rate is sadly higher for people with autism. I have 90% autistic traits but not diagnosed as the tests are different according to countries. But I'm neurodivergent for sure (my psychiatrist agree). Thanks for your answer 🙏

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Bikishii]

I've suffered for my art so much to try to make a name for myself without still being a hack. It hasn't done much for me. But the least we can do is try. If we never do anything, then we know for a fact we'll never be "special", but if we try to make a name for ourself even in the slightest degree then, well, there's a non-zero chance of us becoming "special." It's worth trying. And worth keeping on trying.

 

[ironrain]

I'm probably autistic too (neurodivergent for sure). I made a poll last year about it and A LOT of people here are autistic (not surprising as we know that autistic people are more depressed and higher risks of suicide)

Are you autistic ? (poll)

I see a lot of posts of people telling they have autism. We know that suicide rate is sadly higher for people with autism. I have 90% autistic traits but not diagnosed as the tests are different according to countries. But I'm neurodivergent for sure (my psychiatrist agree). Thanks for your answer 🙏

sanctioned-suicide.net

Natural selection hasn't disappeared. No matter how much copium of "everyone matters" we all take. In reality, people like us suffer more just because we are this way...

 

[Gomomon]

I have no shame I know lol. Whatever. Anyway, I want to be special so much. But I can't. It's so frustrating. And sometimes my delusions win and I think that maybe, one day... But then the reality hits me like a truck on full speed and I the force of the collision sends me into another spiral again. Fucking hate life.View attachment 199853

I used to think I was a special case before I actually got my first phone and realized there are hundreds of "mes" out there living the same lives, and I've never put anything into this world even slightly substantial; I'm not special. I really like your art tho this is great, It's better than mine and I go to art school

 

[witchcraft]

I relate to this so much, as someone who considers themselves a writer and also spent the last year and a half trying to be a "YouTuber / content creator."

I'm not good enough at anything.

 

[sadbh]

The desire to feel special, loved, important to someone, is the bane of my existence

 

[ironrain]

I used to think I was a special case before I actually got my first phone and realized there are hundreds of "mes" out there living the same lives, and I've never put anything into this world even slightly substantial; I'm not special. I really like your art tho this is great, It's better than mine and I go to art school

Literally me. Also genuinely thank you. I'm not better, I'm just trained in drawing only several things.

I relate to this so much, as someone who considers themselves a writer and also spent the last year and a half trying to be a "YouTuber / content creator."

I'm not good enough at anything.

Oh God I wanted to try writing too but I have trauma from my mom laughing at my description of a hairstyle of a man. Like, i had a task to describe a portrait and oh god was it horrible.

I wish I could say something encouraging, but the truth is most of as all are basic boring mid people also "someone who considers themselves a writer" is such a real way to phrase it. I can't even call myself an artist...

The desire to feel special, loved, important to someone, is the bane of my existence

I feel you. Literally me

 

[witchcraft]

Oh God I wanted to try writing too but I have trauma from my mom laughing at my description of a hairstyle of a man. Like, i had a task to describe a portrait and oh god was it horrible.

I wish I could say something encouraging, but the truth is most of as all are basic boring mid people also "someone who considers themselves a writer" is such a real way to phrase it. I can't even call myself an artist...

Sucks that that happened. My dad never crapped on my writing, but he crapped on my dreams of being a writer; I don't remember the specifics, maybe they're somewhere deeper in my mind, but I can still see a vague photo in my mind of the moment it happened.

I'm still delusional in feeling like I'm special, and that the issue is I'm simply not recognized. EDIT: And I treat other people like they are special. I'm hopeless.

 

[ironrain]

Sucks that that happened. My dad never crapped on my writing, but he crapped on my dreams of being a writer.

I'm still delusional in feeling like I'm special, and that the issue is I'm simply not recognized.

I'm sorry that happened. Parents sometimes say shit and have no idea how it influences their kids. I think delusion is part of our nature. All people think they're main characters. Otherwise we'd just go insane.