Venting I want out

[IMAFRAIDDAVE]

I have been suicidal since I was 8. Every year everything just gets worse. I cannot deal with everyone's expectations of me and I am miserable being alive.

A few months ago I was stupid and tried to overdose, I knew it would not work but I was so tired of everything I just prayed it would. Of course, I am still alive and even more miserable. Now I have an extremely hard time taking my medication (which does not work) and I feel like I should be dead.

You may say "HAL, just do something about it!!" I wish I could. I have countless of ideas, countless of ways in my head, some will definitely work, some just fantasies, but all of them are impossible.
I live with my parents who are very protective of me and controlling. Because of my recent attempt, it has just gotten worse. My ideal method is with carbon monoxide or partial suspension. I have the money for a tank of CO and a mask, along with a sturdy rope if I choose partial suspension (more likely) but none of the means to do so as my parents are always watching. I can take walks and it would be possible for me to buy a rope with cash at the hardware store but I have no idea how I would get it home withour suspicion or where I would hang myself from.

I need help, I need to get out of this place, I jus wish someone would kill me first so I do not have to.

 

[DrJ3llyf1sh]

I'm sorry you're struggling like this, honestly. Partial suspension is very difficult if you don't know how to *exactly* hit the coratid arteries, so personally I'd prefer full suspension. If you buy a rope at the hardware store, you're probably going to need to due the hanging on the same day. A tree in the middle of the woods of ideal, as high as you can.

If you go through with it, everything has to happen on the same day, so make sure you do whatever it is you need beforehand (i.e. writing notes). I wish you luck and I'm sorry you have to struggle like this. If you have any other questions, you can start a convo with me and I can do some research for you.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I too remember being suicidal since the age of eight. I haven't felt a continuous episode of happiness since that age. I know people say it gets better, but it doesn't and hasn't.

As to methods, I bought rope and stuffed it into a teddy bear! I don't know if that's something you can do. Stuff something inside another item. Or go for a walk around your local area and look for places and nooks and crannies that untouched. Perhaps you could stash stuff there....

I wish everyday someone could stab me so I could just die. Or hell, push me into an oncoming train. I hope we manage to partial hang. I haven't found the sweet spot yet. I somehow hit my larynx and miss my carotid artery...

 

[IMAFRAIDDAVE]

I too remember being suicidal since the age of eight. I haven't felt a continuous episode of happiness since that age. I know people say it gets better, but it doesn't and hasn't.

As to methods, I bought rope and stuffed it into a teddy bear! I don't know if that's something you can do. Stuff something inside another item. Or go for a walk around your local area and look for places and nooks and crannies that untouched. Perhaps you could stash stuff there....

I wish everyday someone could stab me so I could just die. Or hell, push me into an oncoming train. I hope we manage to partial hang. I haven't found the sweet spot yet. I somehow hit my larynx and miss my carotid artery...

Thank you so much

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of suffering, I just wish to not exist as well, all I hope for is to never suffer ever again and I see it as so dreadful how it's so difficult to be permanently free from this torturous existence. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.