Discussion I used to always have atleast one thing to live for or to be grateful/look forward to

[azalea087]

Now I really have nothing that I'm excited about or looking forward to
(except playing red dead redemption because some people here have convinced me im missing out on it lol)
But the point of this post is I wanna know if any of you guys are grateful or looking forward to something in particular?
and if not it's ok cuz same here.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I'm looking forward to hearing from people on SaSu and can't be grateful enough to people who run this website and members.
If SaSu were shut down, It might be the time to meet my doom...

 

[resolutory]

I feel the same way. Every day is the same, I just exist with nothing. Even in the past when I've had hope or something to look forward too, but now I don't even have any of that. I was thinking just this morning about how I'm just drifting through life aimlessly.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I'm really not. I'm just waiting until I inevitably cease to exist and I would only be grateful if some kind of peaceful way to exit like N became easily available. Apart from that there could never be anything to be grateful for. It's a curse how I was forced into this world so unfairly and how I was so unnecessarily burdened with existence. Why should anyone feel grateful when they have the ability to suffer to such extremes. Such a thing as awful as existence could never be worth enduring for me.

 

[azalea087]

No, I'm really not. I'm just waiting until I inevitably cease to exist and I would only be grateful if some kind of peaceful way to exit like N became easily available. Apart from that there could never be anything to be grateful for. It's a curse how I was forced into this world so unfairly and how I was so unnecessarily burdened with existence. Why should anyone feel grateful when they have the ability to suffer to such extremes. Such a thing as awful as existence could never be worth enduring for me.

I completely understand, and I'm sorry you have to deal with an existence that you don't want to be apart of.
I wish you the best, whatever that might be. <3

I feel the same way. Every day is the same, I just exist with nothing. Even in the past when I've had hope or something to look forward too, but now I don't even have any of that. I was thinking just this morning about how I'm just drifting through life aimlessly.

I think you expressed this perfectly.. Aimless is a good description for that.
Like staring at the ceiling, not thinking about anything but you're just existing yknow?
I am in your exact situation and I've been trying to figure out how to explain it but you just did it perfectly <3
Anyway, I wish you the best

 

[WaitingToGo]

My life really ended when my partner passed. I've tried to enjoy life but I can't. I used to do a lot of cooking and now I can't be bothered anymore. Same for my other interests. Nothing interests me and I'm just existing for my family, but there will soon become a time when that won't cut it anymore. I look ok on the outside especially to work colleagues but inside I feel dead

 

[azalea087]

My life really ended when my partner passed. I've tried to enjoy life but I can't. I used to do a lot of cooking and now I can't be bothered anymore. Same for my other interests. Nothing interests me and I'm just existing for my family, but there will soon become a time when that won't cut it anymore. I look ok on the outside especially to work colleagues but inside I feel dead

I'm so sorry for your loss.. You'll see them soon, no matter when or if you ctb you will eventually be with them.
As always there are people here including me that would be willing to help you vent etc.
I wish you the best and hope everything gets better (in whatever way you are hoping for).

 

[arcadia]

Red Dead Redemption (II mostly here) is cool but I'm not too fond of Rockstar's mission structure these days lol. It feels so limiting for what is ironically enough a very free and liberating open world. Sorta controls like butt too due to high animation priority.

I'm really looking forward to several titles, Final Fantasy XVI is the closest I guess, or RE4 Remake technically is much closer. Final Fantasy could be a return to form for a series I very much love. Naoki Yoshida has shown that he is an incredible producer, and the game looks great so far. Another title is the next Persona game, Hashino the director of Persona 3-5 is busy on another project, so this'll be a radically different Persona. I'm very intrigued by seeing how that turns out, as I love Persona 2 (the last non-Hashino game) and mainline SMT so it's a win win scenario.

A third title I'm looking forward to would have to be Dragon Quest XII. These sorta do hold me back from considering CTB, but realistically, life is not for us to experience stuff like this. It isn't worth going through the potential pain and anguish so I try to live in hopes of getting better, hopefully someday this toxic pro-life crowd will let us speak about suicidal ideation freely without being institutionalised. I could imagine that it'd lead to a lot of people feeling better.

 

[azalea087]

Red Dead Redemption (II mostly here) is cool but I'm not too fond of Rockstar's mission structure these days lol. It feels so limiting for what is ironically enough a very free and liberating open world. Sorta controls like butt too due to high animation priority.

Started playing and I agree with most of that, but i kinda like the high animation priority because it makes it more immersive or whatever. But yeah I do kinda hate how limiting the missions are (and constantly being told exactly what to do).

RE4 Remake technically is much closer

DUDE IM SO HYPED FOR THAT (MARCH 24TH!!)

A third title I'm looking forward to would have to be Dragon Quest XII. These sorta do hold me back from considering CTB, but realistically, life is not for us to experience stuff like this. It isn't worth going through the potential pain and anguish so I try to live in hopes of getting better, hopefully someday this toxic pro-life crowd will let us speak about suicidal ideation freely without being institutionalised. I could imagine that it'd lead to a lot of people feeling better.

I really love the dragon quest games (and weirdly dragon quest builders too)
But I agree with the institutionalized thing, everyone I know that has been put in one has came out worse or the same as when they were put in. They might help some people that are suicidal but it never seems that way to me, it always just feels cruel.

 

[WaitingToGo]

I'm so sorry for your loss.. You'll see them soon, no matter when or if you ctb you will eventually be with them.
As always there are people here including me that would be willing to help you vent etc.
I wish you the best and hope everything gets better (in whatever way you are hoping for).

This site has been a godsend, there's nowhere else I could put down my wishes and my thoughts. I've already told my story here and everyone has been so kind and helpful. My family are aware of my situation and wishes and they are doing their best to try to persuade me to keep going, my niece in particular. I'm in a better position here than most in that I have sufficient opioids left over from my partners pain cancer treatment to give myself a good and painless send off, and yet I lack the courage. I just wish I had the guts to do it. There's nothing for me in life now. It's not like my partner passed recently, it was July 28 2018 but it gnaws away at me. I was supposed to see a psychiatric team here today but a couple of days ago they cancelled it and pushed it to next week. Regular healthcare here in the Netherlands is top rate, but so far the psychiatric help has been severely lacking. There's not much anyone can do at the moment

 

[Gaga786]

Same. I just kept delaying the inevitable in hopes that my life will ameliorate; however, I was just prolonging suffering in the first place. There is no hope for me because I am a nuisance. Life is just an arduous task; each day is painful. I wish you the best.

 

[arcadia]

Started playing and I agree with most of that, but i kinda like the high animation priority because it makes it more immersive or whatever. But yeah I do kinda hate how limiting the missions are (and constantly being told exactly what to do).

DUDE IM SO HYPED FOR THAT (MARCH 24TH!!)

I really love the dragon quest games (and weirdly dragon quest builders too)
But I agree with the institutionalized thing, everyone I know that has been put in one has came out worse or the same as when they were put in. They might help some people that are suicidal but it never seems that way to me, it always just feels cruel.

The RE4 demo drops tonight btw! A trailer meant for after the showcase leaked and it says "DEMO AVAILABLE NOW"

 

[Amakishiyo]

I'm looking forward to either feeling something different for once, or finally nothing.

 

[Lysander]

like a lot of other people i've seen on here, i just couldn't let my cat go, i exist for my cat and the time we spend together :)
also loiteringclouds' post in this thread puts it best, i think sasu is the only place i can live, when everywhere else is just existing. kind of ironic how a forum with suicide in the title can be what helps so many people, lol