I told my sister once...

[xxAbigailxx]

I was having a breakdown while my sister and her boyfriend were visiting and I let it slip that I sometimes have the urge to kill myself and that I feel like I don't belong here anymore after almost dying because of my diabetes (wasn't diagnosed for months until my doctor realized that I will die if I don't get to a hospital, they diagnosed me as soon as I arrived there...having checked my blood sugar and seeing that it was far too high).

She said, if I really wanted to kill myself then I should just do it...
I know that my sister has problems consoling people when they are upset and I also know that she didn't really mean what she said...but it hurt so goddamn bad hearing her say that...
I told her that I get it and that I know that she didn't mean it, but I can't get it out of my head when feeling lost and suicidal again...

Because...she is right... I always think about dying and wanting everything to stop but I never do something...I never act...I am too pathetic to go through with it...too scared...too weak...and even my own sister said it (even if it was just in the heat of the moment).

I feel so lost, scared and helpless... and I can't get all the bad things out of my head... even though I know that my mother and my sister love me...

 

[FuneralCry]

People can certainly be very insensitive, and anyway suicide isn't as straightforward as "just doing it", if suicide is as easy as some of these non suicidal people like to pretend it is then I would certainly already be gone at this point. But anyway their opinions shouldn't matter, I think that it's best to avoid talking to people like that.

 

[xxAbigailxx]

People can certainly be very insensitive, and anyway suicide isn't as straightforward as "just doing it", if suicide is as easy as some of these non suicidal people like to pretend it is then I would certainly already be gone at this point. But anyway their opinions shouldn't matter, I think that it's best to avoid talking to people like that.

Yeah, I would have never told her, but the breakdown was really bad and it just slipped out...

 

[samishii]

I somewhat fear such conversations where I let people know about my suicidal ideation because if they tell me something like what you sister told you, I don't want them to feel any guilt when I actually do it.
I know am going to do it sometime soon and that would be true even if they didn't say anything bad. I don't want them to feel like they're the reason for my death