Story I thought this would be different

[Beautifulletdown]

I wasn't sure whether to put this under venting or story so went with the latter. When I came across this site it seem different from other forums and not in the sense of its purpose but the people. Before I signed up, of course, I was a guess so it afforded me the chance to gauge how people were towards each other. It seemed like people were, for the most part, supportive and open. Perhaps I was expecting too much or hoping it would be different from how things are in my real life. My hope was to feel less alone, as silly as that sounds, and to be seen for once instead of overlooked and passed over as I always am it seems. I could blame it on my nature of being quiet, kind and caring which is not interesting or worthy of attention by others. Unfortunately, I'm neither flamboyant or loud. I suppose that stems from a childhood where I had to be quiet and not seen out of fear. I guess what I've come to realize I simply want to be loved, which will never happen, for everything I am and everything that I'm not. I wrestle with how stupid it is to feel this way at all. How useless it is to want what you can never have. In the end what it boils down to is this is much of the same as what I experience in real life. Although I should have realized it. I'm sure there will be some out there who will think this post is silly or useless or why should it matter because I want to kill myself anyway. I wanted the chance to be heard and let out all things I can't say to anyone in my life because they could care less. If you've gotten this far, thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

[pole]

sorry you're feeling this way. what we want that'll make us happy is what we cant have. probably the story of my life lol. though sometimes, iv gotten things iv wanted, only to invest my happiness, emotions and energy into it and only for it to be snatched away just like that. i expect, and hope for things, while never learning that these things of joy and happiness just arent meant to be.

 

[oopswronglife]

Nothing useless or silly about being open. We all want to be loved...none of us want to ctb...we just want our pain to end and that feels like the only way most of the time. It's not stupid to feel the way you do. You don't KNOW you can't have that love. You are just convinced it won't happen and your feelings come from that hypothetical. It's normal, it's human, we all do it. What we need to be better at is not deciding the future and then spending all of our time being angry and depressed at that hypothetical future. It might not even turn out like that, but we live the lifetime in our heads. I fight every day to catch myself when I do that, and remember it's not happened yet. But it is hard I know. I will keep going until I cannot, and I cannot know when that will be, if it comes, until it comes.

 

[GinaIsReady]

You are not alone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

 

[Donewith_]

Hugs.. you are not alone in this. I was similar when i was a kid. I was suppressed a lot.. due to various reasons. I was mocked, made fun of, in everthing..i used to be afraid to act or behave as myself. I got to this opinion that.. i am bad, felt inferior, i did not like myself, i felt like i have to leave my behaviour coz its bad, and that i have to act like some others, i just wanted to be accepted and treated well. And yes..i wanted a lot of attention. Its that.. such treatment had considerable impact on my life. But, i don't blame my present situation on people(in my case, its mostly because of me..sure it had some effect, but there were others things done by me that brought me to this point)..
Sorry i can only relate.. but can't offer any advice.. i am not that sensitive anymore now. .the way i was before. But, idk how it happened.
It feels bad..i am sorry you are hurting. Don't keep your thoughts to yourself..feel free to share.

 

[k75]

I've found there are plenty of supportive people here. You aren't wrong for wanting to be heard. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

You are not alone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Thank you but unfortunately I am alone. Life keeps showing me I am and hopefully I'll listen.