I thought I was okay

[YAYorNAY]

I dropped a glass today.
And of course it wasn't filled with water but an energy drink. it splashed everywhere and got sticky, everything was covered in shards, I managed to get cut…
apparently that was enough to make me loose it. I started crying, I cursed my existence, I thought about killing myself just so I don't have to clean it up! (I cleaned it up anyway)
i thought i was doing fine, like therapy and antidepressants or that I'm being more socially active. I really thought I was okay but if something so little as dropping a glass makes me feel like shit then perhaps im still just as much of a mess as I was before.
i can't even enjoy a drink without it turning into a personal disaster!

 

[Caoine01]

As a teenager I was in Sri Lanka in a posh English restaurant. Someone dropped a tray with a loud jingle. Then I heard a gentleman at the next table say to his family: "Don't look". To this day, I am impressed by this culture of helping other people to overcome their weaknesses through consideration and self-discipline. Maybe you can even say to yourself: "Don't look" and build on certain communities that can help you further. PM me if you like.

 

[SilentSadness]

Whenever we feel highs and recovery, it always comes crashing down again as the realisation of the truth sets in. Antidepressants and therapy definitely don't work and it is unsurprising that applies to you. In this world, even the smallest things can be a nightmare so I hope that things improve for you.

 

[AllMyDreams]

First off it's awesome that you've been improving, getting help, being more socially active etc.

I have Asperger's and OCD, and so whenever even something minor happens, I often go ballistic. Like once I couldn't get into a college class I wanted and I basically harassed the professor and threatened to find out where he lived and knock on his door until he let me in to the class. (He didn't let me in).

Getting cut by a glass is an awful experience and enough to make anyone mad, it definitely would for me. What helped me a lot was working on building internal resilience and radical acceptance. Basically the mindset of if something good happens to me that's great, if something bad happens, it's "interesting", and no matter what happens, I love and value myself enough to not let it ruin my life.

So for me, instead of having a meltdown over one college class, I should've said something like "This has completely ruined all of my plans this semester. But I can at least take a different class, and at least there are other ways I can graduate on time, so it'll just make my experience more interesting. Regardless even if I had to graduate late I couldn't change the circumstances, so there's no point making things miserable for other people (and myself). There's still a lot in life to look forward to, and a lot about myself/other people to like, and I'll focus on that."

And from now on, next time you have a drink and you don't break your glass, you can think of how nice is it that you're not bleeding and don't have to clean anything up. Only because we have bad experiences can we appreciate the good times in our lives.

 

[theboy]

Don't treat yourself badly
Be more understanding and tender with yourself. It was a mistake but next time you'll do better :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I do believe that there certainly is no real relief from suffering in this world where chance cruelly determines everything and where everything is uncertain. Life really is so cruel and it's awful when things just continue to go wrong and get worse.

 

[Sulyya]

You can overcome, clawing and biting, to get out of a deep pit and then with a tiny nudge it feels like you are back in. It's terrible.
It sounds like you had an attack - are you calmed again?

 

[YAYorNAY]

Damn I did not see any of these replies until now