i was looking forward to CTB last year but i told my friend about it and she called the fucking ambulance on me, and she even alerted my parents and now im back home, i quit my job because i was too scared to go back, i was scared of the looks that i would get
okay whatever meds were working, i was feeling TINY bit better, i decided i will finish my drivers licence before going back to work. i was so incredibly terrified of it, but then the learning was actually quite fun, i thought i was doing okay
but today was the driving exam and i failed masterfully like a fucking retard i hate myself so much, i lost every will to do anything, and im just spiraling back wanting to selfharm and wanting to ctb, i will never be able to do anything good enough, i will never accept myself, i will never accomplish anything, if by any miracle i DO accomplish something i just shrug and only feel that i was SUPPOSED TO reach this, this is the minimum for people (like college degree)
im just home drooling in front of my pc trying to play something so that i stop crying or the urge to cut myself, but its just not stopping
i just want to die
i dont want to be an embarrasment to anyone anymore
sorry for too much venting i dont know i just had no place where i could do this
im sorry
okay whatever meds were working, i was feeling TINY bit better, i decided i will finish my drivers licence before going back to work. i was so incredibly terrified of it, but then the learning was actually quite fun, i thought i was doing okay
but today was the driving exam and i failed masterfully like a fucking retard i hate myself so much, i lost every will to do anything, and im just spiraling back wanting to selfharm and wanting to ctb, i will never be able to do anything good enough, i will never accept myself, i will never accomplish anything, if by any miracle i DO accomplish something i just shrug and only feel that i was SUPPOSED TO reach this, this is the minimum for people (like college degree)
im just home drooling in front of my pc trying to play something so that i stop crying or the urge to cut myself, but its just not stopping
i just want to die
i dont want to be an embarrasment to anyone anymore
sorry for too much venting i dont know i just had no place where i could do this
im sorry
