Discussion I think tomorrow is the day

[LastOrder]

I started planning my ctb since april and i think ive finally done all i wanted to do. I went on a trip to my homecountry last week to see everyone (and say goodbye i guess) and i was hoping that if i would be happier home there would be a chance to get another fresh start. But it was awful, and i felt like barely anyone even wanted to meet me. I planned the trip around seeing my best friend who ended up messaging me a few days before that she wants to break contact because im too mentally ill for her and doesnt want to be around someone who isnt working to get better. I havent talked to her about my mental health struggles anymore for months.

You cant win with these people. They dont listen. They say why dont you get help, why dont you try another therapist or another set of pills? And when i say a literal decade of that didnt make me better when do i give up? They say you have to keep going. People who tell you 'youre so strong for keeping going' dont even mean it. You cant give up in their eyes, ever. Its disgusting and im really mad at my friend. Others asked me if this motivates me to get help again which is just baffling to me? I cannot see this as a motivational thing, only another reason to gtfo realising everyone is so selfish for only wanting me to live so 'they dont have to constantly worry about me'. Great.

Im home alone again tomorrow so in the morning ill start taking all my pills and around noon take SN, watch my favorite movie and try to go to sleep. And finally rest. I really really want this to be over...

 

[aroll]

I'm really sorry to hear all of that, some people just don't understand how hard it actually is and choose to be ignorant about it. I hope you'll find peace.. what kind of pills are you using?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you all the best with your plan. I hope you find peace, safe travels and good luck!

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I hope you have safe travels to the other side, which regimen will you follow?

 

[puella]

I'm so sorry you're in pain. I wish you could have found that fresh start or happiness, you deserve the best. You really are strong for continuing and trying your best; but it is also valid for you to give up. I am proud of you, genuinely, even if you decide to CTB.

If you think there's anything that can be done, I'm here for you. I care about you so much. If not, I hope you can rest peacefully.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

The so-called " normal " people just can't understand how some of us literally NEED to die because we are in a tremendous amount of emotional pain.
Therapy and meds are also useless to some of us here, myself included.
It's infuriating how they want us to keep on suffering and invalidate our feelings.
I hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

 

[SVEN]

Best wishes for success in finally finding rest and ease from all your troubles and distress.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck with your plans, it's really understandable just wishing to permanently escape from this existence, I cannot stand those insensitive pro-life people.