Venting I think my psychiatrist has just about given up on me

[Squiddy]

I'm starting to feel a little hopeless. My psychiatrist asked me today what I'm getting out of the hospital program I'm in (IOP 3 days a week) and how I've been in it since the beginning of this year and keep repeating the same cycle (not take my meds, spiral, end up back in the hospital inpatient, repeat) I feel kinda bad and the reason this time for not taking my meds is because I was throwing up for 2 days straight (side note I dropped 6 lbs according to my scale from all the vomiting!) Other than that, idk why I stop so much. I hate myself for doing it. I'm probably his worst patient ever On the flip side, I've made it almost 100 days without self harm (99 today) so I guess I'm somewhat benefiting from the program? Idk.... ctb is still on the table of options

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Congrats on the 100 days!!!!!

Do you have a choice over how you cycle - I mean is it voluntary or something you feel you can't control?

 

[overcomingfear]

You are in treatment for yourself and not your psychiatrist, don't feel bad, it's his job to help. If it stops self harm it's definitely beneficial. Don't think of it as a waste of time

 

[Squiddy]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Congrats on the 100 days!!!!!

Do you have a choice over how you cycle - I mean is it voluntary or something you feel you can't control?

Thanks and I'm not sure tbh. I feel like I get lazy when taking meds. For the vomiting, I can't control it

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Have you specifically talked to him about the cycle? One-on-one? Maybe that can be a goal between the two of you - he can be your accountability and help with the meds and you can try to be... less lazy (this coming from me! HAHA - sorry!) - and get meds that don't make you sick?

 

[Squiddy]

Have you specifically talked to him about the cycle? One-on-one? Maybe that can be a goal between the two of you - he can be your accountability and help with the meds and you can try to be... less lazy (this coming from me! HAHA - sorry!) - and get meds that don't make you sick?

I don't think the meds are making me sick. I think it could potentially be an ulcer. I tried to contact my doctors office, but my doctor doesn't come back til November :( I really gotta start taking them though. I also hate swallowing pills so there's that too

 

[Deleted member 18655]

The swallowing pills is easy to get over. Get that ulcer checked out!!! Did you go to the ER?

 

[Ghost2211]

If your doctor can't see you about a potential ulcer till November get a new doctor, or go to emergency. If the meds are making you sick ask about changing meds. if you're forgetting to take them set alarms on your phone/iPad, or get a medical reminder wristband.

 

[Squiddy]

The swallowing pills is easy to get over. Get that ulcer checked out!!! Did you go to the ER?

No I haven't went to the ER. I did go a couple of months ago when I was vomiting blood, but they said it was from a UTI

If your doctor can't see you about a potential ulcer till November get a new doctor, or go to emergency. If the meds are making you sick ask about changing meds. if you're forgetting to take them set alarms on your phone/iPad, or get a medical reminder wristband.

Emergency might cost too much, but I'm gonna see about seeing another doctor in the practice next week since I got on the phone and they said that nobody is seeing anybody this week

 

[Meditation guide]

I feel kinda bad

What you say about stopping your meds repeatedly is typical. Others can't understand why people do that but I know the side effects can be brutal. Once you are feeling normal on the meds self delusion can also kick in that you don't need them. I knew a severe schizophrenic who went in and out of the psych ward regularly to be put back on his meds. I would say it's almost normal to do this. Don't beat yourself up over it.

 

[Melchoir]

Don't feel like you're burdening, and congrats on being self harm free for so long. That's huge and something to proud of.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I also hate swallowing pills so there's that too

i cant swallow them at all because ive choked on so many different things (ice cube being the most interesting lol) i typically get a medication to accommodate me. so either in a liquid or i ask if i can chew the pill. ive even gone as far as opening the capsules.

as for your psychiatrist, mine gave up on me too. i went back after trying 3 medications that all had serious "i wont survive" type side effects. ok i might have survived them but it really fucked up my day to the point where i didnt have one. so he said theres nothing he can do for me. so now im basically my own doctor and he just fills out the RX i ask for. (well i havent asked for anything i havent had yet but that will probably be the next step. im still researching.) just because the doctor gives up doesnt mean its over. either take it into your own hands or get a new one that actually cares.

 

[Squiddy]

i cant swallow them at all because ive choked on so many different things (ice cube being the most interesting lol) i typically get a medication to accommodate me. so either in a liquid or i ask if i can chew the pill. ive even gone as far as opening the capsules.

as for your psychiatrist, mine gave up on me too. i went back after trying 3 medications that all had serious "i wont survive" type side effects. ok i might have survived them but it really fucked up my day to the point where i didnt have one. so he said theres nothing he can do for me. so now im basically my own doctor and he just fills out the RX i ask for. (well i havent asked for anything i havent had yet but that will probably be the next step. im still researching.) just because the doctor gives up doesnt mean its over. either take it into your own hands or get a new one that actually cares.

I don't even know if I can get my meds in liquid form. That'll be a lot of liquid (about 8 bottles)

 

[Mafe]

Hay médicos que solo van tras la plata y no el bienestar del paciente. Es bueno dar la oportunidad a otro

 

[bigdog]

All this medication made me only worse. They always say you need to try this and that. I think medication helps when you have full blown psychosis