I think my mum is suicidal- just a vent tbh

[burninghill]

My mum became disabled earlier this year (MS) and I was a bit concerned when she told me that if she ever needed to use crutches then she would probably just kill herself. Needing to use a mobility aid is something that is far from out of the question considering the fact MS comes with complications with coordination.
I kind of pushed it to the side as some kind of off joke but started to get concerned again when she told my sister (15) that she 'thinks about killing herself sometimes'.
She also used to be sober and she isn't any more which I guess is kind of understandable but it still makes me upset, honestly.
My sister tried to kill herself last year and so have I, now my mum is saying shit like this. It feels like I can't escape suicide, in a way.

That's all ontop of just the general stressors of… being alive. My mum has obviously been quite depressed because she can't leave the house on her own, I've had to watch and hear her cry more times than she knows. I'm trying to balance uni with being suicidal, struggling with self-harm, friends killing themselves and losing 4 household pets, 3 of which were a part of my life for the best part of a decade, all without any real support system.

I guess none of this sounds that bad, but it's hard. Last time I really tried to kill myself, I just had to bring myself home and I laid in bed just thinking about how nobody has any idea what's going on with me and it made me sad. I could've died that night and everybody would've been surprised, I think. I've tried to be open but nobody seems to know what to say and when my sister tried she was called dramatic by my parents, so I wouldn't consider telling my mum (especially considering what she's going through).

I've also been getting thoughts about wishing she would kill herself so that it would push me over the edge and I wouldn't have to feel guilty about leaving anybody behind, honestly.

Sorry, that got a bit waffly towards the end. I'm just lost.

 

[I Me & Myself]

I guess none of this sounds that bad, but it's hard

All of that sounds very hard, actually.

My mother also has MS, though it progresses a lot less rapidly than it seems to do with your mother's case. But I can relate to watching someone fall in depression as they lose the ability to even go outside and ... in a sense wither away.

I don't know if you need to hear this, but:
Your suffering is real. You're allowed to be miserable with all this pushing down on you. But you're also allowed to feel good, even if it's just for a moment.

I wish you a lot of strength, and it's up to you whether you stay or leave this world. But you'll need strength to go there.

 

[burninghill]

All of that sounds very hard, actually.

My mother also has MS, though it progresses a lot less rapidly than it seems to do with your mother's case. But I can relate to watching someone fall in depression as they lose the ability to even go outside and ... in a sense wither away.

I don't know if you need to hear this, but:
Your suffering is real. You're allowed to be miserable with all this pushing down on you. But you're also allowed to feel good, even if it's just for a moment.

I wish you a lot of strength, and it's up to you whether you stay or leave this world. But you'll need strength to go there.

Honestly, it is so tragic. She has her flaws, especially when it comes to dealing with my mental health but holy shit, she is such a genuinely good ad inspiring person. She's tried to hide a lot of these types of struggles from me but its hard to hear her cry and have to give up parts of her job. Not to mention, she recently found out her medication isn't working and her left hand is losing mobility. It's sad. She doesn't deserve it. It's a lot.

I really appreciate your comment honestly. MS is a really scary thing that I didn't know anything about until my mum was diagnosed, I really hope that your mum is alright too. Thank you so much.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

I'm sorry to read this situation bud. It's a sad world with these many good people struggling and all the bad things on the rise. And no, I think all the problems and struggles in your life you mentioned is quite bad, so I salute you for having the strength to keep going so far.
Your situation sounds very similar to mine in fact. My mother has cancer. And I'm by myself.

I'm hoping in all of this that at least your family is in stable housing, so at least you can try to work on everything...we don't even have that, I'm going to be homeless soon.
Hopefully, you and your father and sister can stay there as long as you can and not have to deal with living on the streets. It's an extreme situation, and I hope all your family sees better days.

CTB is what we're struggling with, while the others that are succeeding say crap like: "it will pass; it'll get better; you'll be all right" etc.
What crap! Like we all chose to be in our circumstances.

It's natural to feel the way you do; if you do choose this path I will lose no admiration for you and will wish you the best of luck. But perhaps all is not lost yet..

My mum became disabled earlier this year (MS) and I was a bit concerned when she told me that if she ever needed to use crutches then she would probably just kill herself. Needing to use a mobility aid is something that is far from out of the question considering the fact MS comes with complications with coordination.
I kind of pushed it to the side as some kind of off joke but started to get concerned again when she told my sister (15) that she 'thinks about killing herself sometimes'.
She also used to be sober and she isn't any more which I guess is kind of understandable but it still makes me upset, honestly.
My sister tried to kill herself last year and so have I, now my mum is saying shit like this. It feels like I can't escape suicide, in a way.

That's all ontop of just the general stressors of… being alive. My mum has obviously been quite depressed because she can't leave the house on her own, I've had to watch and hear her cry more times than she knows. I'm trying to balance uni with being suicidal, struggling with self-harm, friends killing themselves and losing 4 household pets, 3 of which were a part of my life for the best part of a decade, all without any real support system.

I guess none of this sounds that bad, but it's hard. Last time I really tried to kill myself, I just had to bring myself home and I laid in bed just thinking about how nobody has any idea what's going on with me and it made me sad. I could've died that night and everybody would've been surprised, I think. I've tried to be open but nobody seems to know what to say and when my sister tried she was called dramatic by my parents, so I wouldn't consider telling my mum (especially considering what she's going through).

I've also been getting thoughts about wishing she would kill herself so that it would push me over the edge and I wouldn't have to feel guilty about leaving anybody behind, honestly.

Sorry, that got a bit waffly towards the end. I'm just lost.