I think life could be beautiful, just not for me

[Left to rot]

(English is not my first language, so srry if the grammar is bad or nonsensical)

Since I don't think my death would be fair for those who I hold dear, I've been trying to find things to distract myself from the thought of dying. There truly are some beautiful places, amazing people, and an existence full of joy out there, but I don't think I can or should take part on it. I'm always so tired to form part in things that interest me. And my brain is so fried with horrible shit that has dehumanized me to a point I don't think I'll ever be able to take part in the life I could have had. It's funny any other person in my place could probably make something decent and somewhat enjoyable of the life I have, except me.

 

[timf]

Sometimes we can experience things that make us ashamed of ourselves. However, if we consider we are all born helpless, ignorant, and selfish, we should expect that some of us will end up with things of which we are not proud. If something is not our fault, it is like being the victim of a car crash. We may have scars, but it was not our fault. Even for things that are our fault, it is often because we did not get the best start in life and it should be expected that we will make mistakes as we try to navigate through life.

If you looked at your own life as if it were that of a stranger, you might be inclined to be more understanding. You should give yourself the same kindness you would to a stranger,.

 

[SeonSeia]

Honestly I feel very similar to how you do, especially about that part about someone else being able to be happy living your life.

The thing is, there's more to your life than just your circumstances, which is you, altogether. The aspects of your life which make you unhappy may not affect that other person, so really, the happiness you see them having is not them living your life, but only one with similar circumstances. And it's not your fault how you react to those, if it makes you sad or angry.

In the end you're the only one who is living your life. No one could really do it better because no one would really be you.

 

[JoeFailure]

Oh absolutely life can be beautiful. For me it would be with money/a good job. Probably even just a good job.

I was never able to figure that out though and now I'm 40 and it looks pretty grim.