Venting i think im on the right path now.. (wanted to get this out of my head)

[_Minsk]

i don't want to have children ever, and i don't see any good reasons except from 'enjoying' life but there is no way for me to enjoy this life anymore. i was happy when i was in my teenager years for a while, but i was ignorant, i didn't saw how horrible life actually is because i was too young and i only knew about having fun, helping people at times and getting ready for school in the mornings. when i slowly grew up and saw what life actually is, my view on it has changed and at this point life has changed completely for me.
when i look back i see how life has become progressively worse and worse, it seems like suicide is the only logical consequence.. it even feels like life want to push me over that edge,
i cant find any other explanation for all these extremely painful experiences than this tbh. when i think about ctb, i feel like being alive again, continuing my 'own' true path.
i dont want to continue living for others, i did it way to long and it made me a zombie..

i hope this text makes some sense, had a few drinks and felt like posting this.. feedback/thoughts appreciated

 

[LastRide]

i don't want to have children, and i don't see any good reasons except from 'enjoying' life but there is no way for me to enjoy this life anymore. i was happy when i was in my teenager years for a while, but i was ignorant, i didn't saw how horrible life actually is because i was too young and i only knew about having fun, helping people at times and getting ready for school in the mornings. when i slowly grew up and saw what life actually is, my view on it has changed and at this point life has changed completely for me.
when i look back i see how life has become progressively worse and worse, it seems like suicide is the only logical consequence.. it even feels like life want to push me over the edge,
i cant find any other explanation for all these extremely painful experiences than this tbh. when i think about ctb, i feel like being alive again, continuing my 'own' true path.
i dont want to continue living for others, i did it way to long and it made me a zombie..

i hope this text makes some sense, had a few drinks and felt like posting this.. feedback/thoughts appreciated

It's funny I thought I was the only one who felt more alive the more I think about ending life very soon ! We both must live in some very peculiar "bubble" ! It's weird and I cannot explain why. So greetings to a fellow with a familiar feeling !

 

[MysticPerception]

I definitely understand the feelings you're going through right now. It feels like the correct path and the logical choice to me as well. I also live for enjoyment purely as an excuse but it just doesn't hold up anymore at all. I don't want to just live for others and keep suffering that's just unfair to myself and not worth it. Hopefully in the end the choice we make was the correct one.

 

[S1mpleme]

i don't want to have children, and i don't see any good reasons except from 'enjoying' life but there is no way for me to enjoy this life anymore. i was happy when i was in my teenager years for a while, but i was ignorant, i didn't saw how horrible life actually is because i was too young and i only knew about having fun, helping people at times and getting ready for school in the mornings. when i slowly grew up and saw what life actually is, my view on it has changed and at this point life has changed completely for me.
when i look back i see how life has become progressively worse and worse, it seems like suicide is the only logical consequence.. it even feels like life want to push me over that edge,
i cant find any other explanation for all these extremely painful experiences than this tbh. when i think about ctb, i feel like being alive again, continuing my 'own' true path.
i dont want to continue living for others, i did it way to long and it made me a zombie..

i hope this text makes some sense, had a few drinks and felt like posting this.. feedback/thoughts appreciated

I think if you had kids you would love them and you won't CTB, but I know nothing about you and this is I would do actually. Also had some drinks, cheers.

 

[faust]

There is so much truth in your words... I would like to thank you for openness and I fully understand you.
It is always important to live your own life. However, it is not that easy. When we are born, it is not our fault that we are born. We have to go to school until we are almost adults, we have to obey our parents and listen to what they say, then we are in relationships and somebody gives birth to our kid. Since then we are not living our lives again. Our society wants us to be who we don't want to be. It wants us to work on it without having our own choice. And this is terrible.
By the way, I realize that my willingness to CTB makes me free as I am now free of judgement, I know that I won't feel guilty for not meeting somebody's expectations. Remember yourself a kid? We wanted to reach the most attractive heights, we were really looking forward to becoming adults meaning that we would be free in decisions. But now we realize that everything is utterly different. Everything we do fulfills the dreams of another human beings, but not ourselves. We are deprived of happiness.
No matter, what your decision will be, we are always here to support you and tell you that you are not alone in this struggle which is carelessly called a life. Sending hugs

I think if you had kids you would love them and you won't CTB, but I know nothing about you and this is I would do actually. Also had some drinks, cheers.

That might be true for some people, I thought so too many years ago. But when my gfs periods stopped we thought that she is pregnant. She wasn't actually. And this was horrible because I have never lived my own life before and now I would have struggled to give my baby everything I never had myself. This is like losing your last chance to be free and live a life which you truly want.