I think I’m gonna try to take another extended break from here

[penguinl0v3s]

Yeah this is true. Thank you for kinda validating me on that. I have tried truly, but this is the place I feel most comfortable venting. Not exactly sure why, possibly the anonymity or relatability.

yeah I could choose something else, just genuinely don't know what. I don't feel I can confidently say I don't like programming just because I've only had low level languages which I know some people hate and I haven't really had much exposure to higher level languages.

I think I enjoy CS to a certain degree, but I don't know tbh. Idk what I'd enjoy and what I'd hate. Considered nursing while I was in high school but then I saw the reality of how rough that could be during 2020, which i know was only a period of time BUT I'm also young, and that very well could occur again. Also I'm squeamish when it comes to blood and stuff so probably not the best.

I don't come from a tech oriented community, actually. I come from a very rural town, and there's like no access to tech jobs around here. One of the reasons I chose CS is also because it gives me a valid reason to leave this small town. I feel like some people stick here and then stay because they start a family here or something but I don't know, I want to explore.

Part of me doesn't even want to think about working in ANY field for like 40 years, it sounds awful and increases my desire to CTB sometimes.

I know this is a lot to read and a lot of it is just me saying "I don't know" essentially, but I'm at a very uncertain point right now, and I hope I can make the right choice to either stay or switch, but it's something I don't know if I can decide right now, which fucking sucks :(

Nursing is not good because the culture is bad. Nurses are bullies.

In my experience, people prefer low level over high level. But that's just at my university, where we mostly do low level.

There's probably a lot of people leaving the CS job market right now. Look around and see what people have done instead? The internet is a great resource.

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

I'm a sociopath. The main problem of today's society (in the West) is C-PTSD/complex trauma. At the core of it is disconnection which leaves (neurotypical or not) pro-social people seek out positions other than those of leadership. This allows sociopaths, psychopaths, dark triads and narcissists (and unhealthy people which cope in unhealthy ways, damaging to others [e.g. by shaming, substance use disorder, addictions [all types] etc.) to take leadership roles and change the culture (e.g. becoming a culture that [re]traumatizes people through bullying and/or otherwise). To heal, one needs to heal bottom up and top down our current system and ways of dealing with life. And that is to get at the core of what constitutes and perpetuates complex trauma/C-PTSD (which manifests as a scarcity economy etc.). And the way to heal is both collective and individual. As a sociopath it's heartbreaking to see people be so isolated. Pro-social people's lives are so colorful, it's sad to see it become gray. If you can enact change in your area and make the world a little better (hard when you're in anhedonia), then the change ripples out and people will want to get together for change naturally leading to collective healing (a lot of the progress from the past in terms of policies has been done by leaders stepping up and people joining in).