I think I'm gonna CTB next Thursday

[LuzurPhagget]

Man, my mind is so messed. What a retarded day. I don't think I can endure this much longer. I'm so useless at work. I can't even count items. The physical task of distinguishing material items from the "fabric of reality", remembering and using simple arithmetic has now become too fucking difficult for me it seems. Jesus. I'm fucking retarded. It shouldn't be so difficult. I'm such a letdown. You count 30, I count 32. Whoops, make it 28. Oops no 31. Fucking shit, I'm retarded.
If I tell my family doctor I'm having suicidal thoughts again, I'll most likely have to go back to the hospital to be tried on some other medication. I COULD probably prolong this existence a little longer. I could probably feel better. (I am actually curious to know what bullshit hobbies I'll immerse myself in before the new medication poops out on me again and I get depressed again.) But that's another thing: I don't think I want to go back to "feeling good." I'm looking back and I was kind of an asshole. Aggressive, borderline homicidal thoughts, borderline stalker, self-important. Ugh. Just an asshole. And just delaying the inevitable. And honest to god, I have NOTHING to look forward to. Lol, Jesus Christ, I remember a few years back an upcoming movie would have sufficed to have stuck around a little longer. Now? Nothing. Don't give a fuck. All hollow distractions from this autistic, lonely, retarded existence.
I've realized I simply can't grow as a person. I'm still trying to get past that wall that thwarted me back in high school. I'm still that nervous, retarded, dipshit loser I was sitting alone in that high school cafeteria. Oh wait, actually no! I got a fucking phone with stupid apps to make me look preoccupied. Of course!
Man, I think this is it. Gonna take next Thursday and Friday off, drive as far away as possible (about an 8 hour drive) to a secluded place, light my charcoals and hopefully sleep forever. I've been looking at satellite photos on Google maps for secluded trails. Hopefully nobody finds me for a while. I think it's done.

 

[Sadwind]

I'm with you with so much of this, I feel like you're talking about me. I'm completely stunted and I feel like my brain just misfires constantly. I am in pieces.

My medication is pooping out on me. At least there's a way out of this hell.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

I'm with you with so much of this, I feel like you're talking about me. I'm completely stunted and I feel like my brain just misfires constantly. I am in pieces.

My medication is pooping out on me. At least there's a way out of this hell.

Are you done looking at other medications?

 

[Sadwind]

I've tried most of them. There could be a couple left that I haven't tried. Not quite sure. I'm honestly afraid to change because I'm much worse off without the right kind it's intolerable.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

I've tried most of them. There could be a couple left that I haven't tried. Not quite sure. I'm honestly afraid to change because I'm much worse off without the right kind it's intolerable.

I hear ya. Yeah these drugs, they're really hit or miss. Ive responded alright to Cymbalta and Effexor (both SNRIs) and was really thinking I "figured it out" and thought this new drug Pristiq, another SNRI, would help me out. But it's been about a month and nadda. Fuck, I wonder if I'll have to be put ob tricyclics. That is if I choose to live. Not bloody likely.

What are you taking?

 

[Sadwind]

I hear ya. Yeah these drugs, they're really hit or miss. Ive responded alright to Cymbalta and Effexor (both SNRIs) and was really thinking I "figured it out" and thought this new drug Pristiq, another SNRI, would help me out. But it's been about a month and nadda. Fuck, I wonder if I'll have to be put ob tricyclics. That is if I choose to live. Not bloody likely.

What are you taking?

Ah I'm on antipsychotics, right now Latuda. I've tried three others and an injection, all with really bad side effects, and some with no effect on my symptoms.
I hope that everything works out for you. What are your symptoms if I can ask

 

[LuzurPhagget]

Yeah, you too man .

Ah I'm on antipsychotics, right now Latuda. I've tried three others and an injection, all with really bad side effects, and some with no effect on my symptoms.
I hope that everything works out for you. What are your symptoms if I can ask

Yeah, you too man . Ive just been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety (avoidant personality disorder to be more precise). But honestly, I think something else is up. Like some kind of dementia or some shit. I have trouble speaking for chrissake.

And Ive met people with schizophrenic qualities. It's amazing, they say marijuana actually helps them and is beneficial, but for me, I feel like it just fragments my already fukked up mind lol. Bizzare.

 

[Sadwind]

Yeah, you too man .



Yeah, you too man . Ive just been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety (avoidant personality disorder to be more precise). But honestly, I think something else is up. Like some kind of dementia or some shit. I have trouble speaking for chrissake.

And Ive met people with schizophrenic qualities. It's amazing, they say marijuana actually helps them and is beneficial, but for me, I feel like it just fragments my already fukked up mind lol. Bizzare.

Weed does the same for me. I feel like a cackling lunatic who talks to themselves n shit if I smoke weed. Crazy

 

[LuzurPhagget]

Weed does the same for me. I feel like a cackling lunatic who talks to themselves n shit if I smoke weed. Crazy

Cackling lunatic? Haha, well if you're having a good time, who cares what you look like, right?

I definitely do not have a good time with weed. No cackling lunacy for me unfortunately lol. Have you tried CBD oil? It does nothing for me but maybe it's worth looking into?

 

[Sadwind]

Cackling lunatic? Haha, well if you're having a good time, who cares what you look like, right?

I definitely do not have a good time with weed. No cackling lunacy for me unfortunately lol. Have you tried CBD oil? It does nothing for me but maybe it's worth looking into?

Yeah cbd didn't do anything for me either :/ looks like we have a lot in common ::squints eyes:: luzurphagget

 

[LuzurPhagget]

Yeah cbd didn't do anything for me either :/ looks like we have a lot in common ::squints eyes:: luzurphagget

Lol, I actually work at a medical weed facility. I was between jobs and liked plants and was really hopeful with the CBD, but nadda. Lmao, I actually got high from taking too much CBD oil and became so panicky like I normally do on weed. I'm thinking the trace amounts of THC in the amount I took must have made me high and proving CBD does absolute shit for me. Eh, it helps others so bon salut to them. But man, I feel so left out amongst a group of people who really benefit so greatly from this plant while it just makes shit worse for me. Super.