wasteandvoid
ill never be what you wanted im your lucifer
- Jun 20, 2023
- 122
Im going to kill myself soon I hope it causes a wave of destruction around me I dont care
Nobody saw me when I needed them to so I hope this will make you see me now
Ive never lived as a person no thoughts or experiences that filter through my head is even my own its fucked from the start
Everything is condtioned patterns and reacted responses to things
Death doesnt matter to me because ill kill myself and the chemicals that allow my own experience to happen
Ill experience something that isnt this hell anymore
Im a failed person entirely
I hate this experience I work so hard for fucking nothing
Everything is a false grail, money, positive feelings, all the glittery things people put on a pedestal
It all doesnt matter at all, all you can return to is your experience of life and maybe thats what those things trick you into thinking, that the plain experience is going to be better when you have them
But it only alters it and never makes an everlasting pleasure or something
For me i chase stuff like that because i want old feelings to come back, but even now i know this hellish path was meant to happen because the conditions around me looking back it couldnt have been any other way, the good times had to die it was only a matter of time before my fucking father started abusing me and neglecting me.
Modern humans must have this as the problem where because were focused on things and not the feelings that color the background of our noisy experiences we lose sight of what really matters. The illusion must not be with us when were born its gotta be learned, because it depends on the knowledge of the present moment and the feelings of right now to start
Why am i trying to be a philosipher i dont care
Idek
I just hate life its fucking retarded
Just fucking kill me
Nobody saw me when I needed them to so I hope this will make you see me now
Ive never lived as a person no thoughts or experiences that filter through my head is even my own its fucked from the start
Everything is condtioned patterns and reacted responses to things
Death doesnt matter to me because ill kill myself and the chemicals that allow my own experience to happen
Ill experience something that isnt this hell anymore
Im a failed person entirely
I hate this experience I work so hard for fucking nothing
Everything is a false grail, money, positive feelings, all the glittery things people put on a pedestal
It all doesnt matter at all, all you can return to is your experience of life and maybe thats what those things trick you into thinking, that the plain experience is going to be better when you have them
But it only alters it and never makes an everlasting pleasure or something
For me i chase stuff like that because i want old feelings to come back, but even now i know this hellish path was meant to happen because the conditions around me looking back it couldnt have been any other way, the good times had to die it was only a matter of time before my fucking father started abusing me and neglecting me.
Modern humans must have this as the problem where because were focused on things and not the feelings that color the background of our noisy experiences we lose sight of what really matters. The illusion must not be with us when were born its gotta be learned, because it depends on the knowledge of the present moment and the feelings of right now to start
Why am i trying to be a philosipher i dont care
Idek
I just hate life its fucking retarded
Just fucking kill me
