I was sober for almost 2 years until 3/17. I was planning on doing partial that night because I finally found the sweet spot after a few test runs. I went and bought the most expensive gin I could find. Bought the most expensive steak I could find as a last meal. I got completely trashed to kill off the SI. but my SI still kicked in after my vision started to fade.
The catch 22 is, alcohol helps to fend off my SI, but also makes me really happy and on top of the world. Ive been drunk ever since. Even at my retail job. I switched my method to SN with no alcohol involved. Although, I'm going drink the most I ever have a few days before I ctb (this Thursday) since alcohol is my only friend.
I really hope you kick the stuff, WOL But nobody will judge you if you don't. You've been great on this forum and I wish you the best, brother