dreaming_of_pearl
I miss you I love you I’m sorry
- Jun 10, 2023
- 54
I should never have honestly opened up about how I felt truely. About my cutting. About my desire to commit suicide it's always used against me.
I don't think I've ever cut myself on a call before I really don't think so at least I don't think I've ever showed it. But I get told oh when I tell you what you did wrong you just instantly wanna kill yourself or you just cut yourself on camera they literally said that word for word. But oh they love me :) I'm so nice no I'm not why are you contradicting yourself but when I do it I'm bad I'm either a good or a bad person. I'm never gonna open up to you again my fucking home is here. All I do is make you upset clearly that's all I ever do if anything is a good thing I'm here so I don't bother you with how much physical pain and sadness I feel 90% of the time because through sickness and health is bullshit
People don't wanna be around people who are sad and hurting and lucky for me I'm always sad and hurting so I get to be alone
you can't tell me anything you feel because then I'm like oh I hate myselffff I hate myself by default dude I just hate myself more when I know anytime I try to interact and i feel like I'm doing a good job or I'm doing the right thing it's bad it's always bad. I try so hard to communicate normally, to give good responses, to do exactly what you want but I'm just not good enough because I always mess up and you get sad and you can't tell me anything because guess what. You can tell that to good people. Please don't play dumb with that. You can tell good people they are hurting you and you will change that you know what you can't tell that too? Bad people like me.
I'm not saying I'm a bad person because of you. I'm saying I'm a bad person BECAUSE IM CLEARLY A BAD PERSON what don't you see about that if I was a good person I would change I personally belive I'm a bad person I suck ive always sucked. Before I was bullied I sucked my parents treat me a certain way because I suck why can't you just see it some people are supposed to be the bad people the ones who get shit on im one of those.
I don't think I've ever cut myself on a call before I really don't think so at least I don't think I've ever showed it. But I get told oh when I tell you what you did wrong you just instantly wanna kill yourself or you just cut yourself on camera they literally said that word for word. But oh they love me :) I'm so nice no I'm not why are you contradicting yourself but when I do it I'm bad I'm either a good or a bad person. I'm never gonna open up to you again my fucking home is here. All I do is make you upset clearly that's all I ever do if anything is a good thing I'm here so I don't bother you with how much physical pain and sadness I feel 90% of the time because through sickness and health is bullshit
People don't wanna be around people who are sad and hurting and lucky for me I'm always sad and hurting so I get to be alone
you can't tell me anything you feel because then I'm like oh I hate myselffff I hate myself by default dude I just hate myself more when I know anytime I try to interact and i feel like I'm doing a good job or I'm doing the right thing it's bad it's always bad. I try so hard to communicate normally, to give good responses, to do exactly what you want but I'm just not good enough because I always mess up and you get sad and you can't tell me anything because guess what. You can tell that to good people. Please don't play dumb with that. You can tell good people they are hurting you and you will change that you know what you can't tell that too? Bad people like me.
I'm not saying I'm a bad person because of you. I'm saying I'm a bad person BECAUSE IM CLEARLY A BAD PERSON what don't you see about that if I was a good person I would change I personally belive I'm a bad person I suck ive always sucked. Before I was bullied I sucked my parents treat me a certain way because I suck why can't you just see it some people are supposed to be the bad people the ones who get shit on im one of those.
