Venting I should find a job and move out but I have no clue where to even start

[Hexen]

I need money and right now I am broke. I was looking for something related to my college degree but I found nothing and I was rejected twice. I have major anxiety, social anxiety and depression, everything is making me want to die. That is why I lurk on this forum. I look around me and I see people my age, ex friends driving cars, making decent amount of money and here I am stuck and can't live normally. I don't blame anyone, most of that was my fault. I tried driving once with mom but I almost crashed a car while driving in an empty parking lot. We don't have an automatic car so you have that extra pedal and its so confusing to me and its such a weird system to me. I can't even afford paying for driving instructor to get the license and that means any job involving driving is off the table. I've had some ideas like joining the army but in reality I don't think I could do that. Maybe if we were in war I would consider joining, I don't know. Thought about becoming a fireman but I found out that you need to go through some education again and pay for stuff and I can't go through school again man, I've had enough.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to spend my life stagnating and watching people pass me by. What I really want to do is unattainable and it is impossible to make any money from that so even if I do find a job I won't do something I like. Then again I have to do something to make money so I can buy necessary stuff. I feel like to everyone else everything is so easy and to me the simplest things are complicated. Like I mentioned driving, a lot of people told me "Oh driving is easy". Not to me I guess and that's why I also think I wouldn't be able to do some normal job. For example I would never be able to be a bartender or anyone who needs to count money because not only is my math absolutely trash, I would 100% freeze up and I wouldn't be able to calculate in my head how much change i need to give. I am so stuck. Sorry that this is not concerning the suicide topic.

 

[JoeFailure]

PM me if you want some help on your job search and brainstorming.

It is absolutely in consideration with the suicide topic. It's the reason many CTB, myself possibly ultimately included.

Hopefully you can at least find something in the interim to pay for things even if it's not your dream, but you can possibly have what you think is unattainable. Let me know if you want to discuss it.

 

[woxihuanni]

PM me if you want some help on your job search and brainstorming.

It is absolutely in consideration with the suicide topic. It's the reason many CTB, myself possibly ultimately included.

Hopefully you can at least find something in the interim to pay for things even if it's not your dream, but you can possibly have what you think is unattainable. Let me know if you want to discuss it.

Yes it is a valid topic, unemployment is possibly the top reason why people ctb.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

PM me if you want some help on your job search and brainstorming.

It is absolutely in consideration with the suicide topic. It's the reason many CTB, myself possibly ultimately included.

Hopefully you can at least find something in the interim to pay for things even if it's not your dream, but you can possibly have what you think is unattainable. Let me know if you want to discuss it.

I noticed that you often offer ppl help looking for employment, is this something you use to do? You don't have to answer btw. Thanks

I need money and right now I am broke. I was looking for something related to my college degree but I found nothing and I was rejected twice. I have major anxiety, social anxiety and depression, everything is making me want to die. That is why I lurk on this forum. I look around me and I see people my age, ex friends driving cars, making decent amount of money and here I am stuck and can't live normally. I don't blame anyone, most of that was my fault. I tried driving once with mom but I almost crashed a car while driving in an empty parking lot. We don't have an automatic car so you have that extra pedal and its so confusing to me and its such a weird system to me. I can't even afford paying for driving instructor to get the license and that means any job involving driving is off the table. I've had some ideas like joining the army but in reality I don't think I could do that. Maybe if we were in war I would consider joining, I don't know. Thought about becoming a fireman but I found out that you need to go through some education again and pay for stuff and I can't go through school again man, I've had enough.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to spend my life stagnating and watching people pass me by. What I really want to do is unattainable and it is impossible to make any money from that so even if I do find a job I won't do something I like. Then again I have to do something to make money so I can buy necessary stuff. I feel like to everyone else everything is so easy and to me the simplest things are complicated. Like I mentioned driving, a lot of people told me "Oh driving is easy". Not to me I guess and that's why I also think I wouldn't be able to do some normal job. For example I would never be able to be a bartender or anyone who needs to count money because not only is my math absolutely trash, I would 100% freeze up and I wouldn't be able to calculate in my head how much change i need to give. I am so stuck. Sorry that this is not concerning the suicide topic.

I know how you feel and have a feeling I may be much older than you. Don't be do hard on yourself, need to take my own advice btw. I know sometimes things look daunting or scary but know it's possible to over come it. When I started driving I wouldn't drive on the highway but somehow I figured out how to. You'll find something that fits for you and don't give up in learning to drive. You just have to find the right person to teach you. Be well and Good luck.

 

[JoeFailure]

I noticed that you often offer ppl help looking for employment, is this something you use to do? You don't have to answer btw. Thanks

Oh it's cool. And no, but I know the despair that comes with unemployment and money issues. It's what I hate most about the world and why I may eventually have to CTB.

I think I find some purpose too in trying to help other people in similar plights. And I need all the purpose I can get to stick around.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

Oh it's cool. And no, but I know the despair that comes with unemployment and money issues. It's what I hate most about the world and why I may eventually have to CTB.

I think I find some purpose too in trying to help other people in similar plights. And I need all the purpose I can get to stick around.

As an unemployed person with serious money issues I understand. I think it's cool you offer to help.

 

[JoeFailure]

As an unemployed person with serious money issues I understand. I think it's cool you offer to help.

Thanks. I'm sorry to hear that's a problem for you too. Feel free to shoot me a PM if you need any help or just want to vent about it even.

 

[justanotherday]

I need money and right now I am broke. I was looking for something related to my college degree but I found nothing and I was rejected twice. I have major anxiety, social anxiety and depression, everything is making me want to die. That is why I lurk on this forum. I look around me and I see people my age, ex friends driving cars, making decent amount of money and here I am stuck and can't live normally. I don't blame anyone, most of that was my fault. I tried driving once with mom but I almost crashed a car while driving in an empty parking lot. We don't have an automatic car so you have that extra pedal and its so confusing to me and its such a weird system to me. I can't even afford paying for driving instructor to get the license and that means any job involving driving is off the table. I've had some ideas like joining the army but in reality I don't think I could do that. Maybe if we were in war I would consider joining, I don't know. Thought about becoming a fireman but I found out that you need to go through some education again and pay for stuff and I can't go through school again man, I've had enough.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to spend my life stagnating and watching people pass me by. What I really want to do is unattainable and it is impossible to make any money from that so even if I do find a job I won't do something I like. Then again I have to do something to make money so I can buy necessary stuff. I feel like to everyone else everything is so easy and to me the simplest things are complicated. Like I mentioned driving, a lot of people told me "Oh driving is easy". Not to me I guess and that's why I also think I wouldn't be able to do some normal job. For example I would never be able to be a bartender or anyone who needs to count money because not only is my math absolutely trash, I would 100% freeze up and I wouldn't be able to calculate in my head how much change i need to give. I am so stuck. Sorry that this is not concerning the suicide topic.

Oh my goodness, I am in a very similar situation. I do drive, but car is automatic. Have you tried automatic cars? The stick shift is hard to master.

Oh my goodness, I am in a very similar situation. I do drive, but car is automatic. Have you tried automatic cars? The stick shift is hard to master.

Thanks. I'm sorry to hear that's a problem for you too. Feel free to shoot me a PM if you need any help or just want to vent about it even.

I have almost the exact same issues.... anxiety, add, hard to focus... so stuck in crap, low paying job. I have a degree, but without a masters there is not hardly anything . I am not technical, and I also have a math problem.... I am stuck and beyond depressed

Oh it's cool. And no, but I know the despair that comes with unemployment and money issues. It's what I hate most about the world and why I may eventually have to CTB.

I think I find some purpose too in trying to help other people in similar plights. And I need all the purpose I can get to stick around.

Any advice for me too? Feel free to pm me. I am not young anymore, and being stuck is part of the reason I want to leave the planet. My brain does not function like a "normal ' person. I am good at some things, but I am not one of these people that can do or learn just anything.

 

[azucaramargo]

PM me if you want some help on your job search and brainstorming.

It is absolutely in consideration with the suicide topic. It's the reason many CTB, myself possibly ultimately included.

Hopefully you can at least find something in the interim to pay for things even if it's not your dream, but you can possibly have what you think is unattainable. Let me know if you want to discuss it.

Joe, so nice of you!

 

[JoeFailure]

Oh my goodness, I am in a very similar situation. I do drive, but car is automatic. Have you tried automatic cars? The stick shift is hard to master.


I have almost the exact same issues.... anxiety, add, hard to focus... so stuck in crap, low paying job. I have a degree, but without a masters there is not hardly anything . I am not technical, and I also have a math problem.... I am stuck and beyond depressed

Any advice for me too? Feel free to pm me. I am not young anymore, and being stuck is part of the reason I want to leave the planet. My brain does not function like a "normal ' person. I am good at some things, but I am not one of these people that can do or learn just anything.

Sure, I'll PM you. I hear you, I'm in the same boat.

Joe, so nice of you!

Thanks. It's not purely altruistic though, it's probably in my quest to find meaning and go on another day.

 

[Hexen]

Same here. No I am currently not doing anything. I am doing my art, just avoiding everything. You do similiar things like I do hah. I get stressed out when I cant understand what people are saying. But I am also too slow and cant think really fast. Military is still an option for me but I am not sure. The thing is I do kinda know what I want but I just dont see any way to get there. First I gotta fix my sleeping habits because I sleep till 1pm and I cant wake up earlier. Then I have to force myself to find something thats relatively easy to do.

 

[End Piece]

I'm in the same boat, pretty much. I feel incompetent at most basic jobs, which makes brainstorming a legit career even more intimidating. It's like, even if there was something I decided I wanted to run with, I'm not sure if I could do it. It's the main reason I want to CTB - feeling like I'll never be a fully functional adult.

 

[Hexen]

I'm in the same boat, pretty much. I feel incompetent at most basic jobs, which makes brainstorming a legit career even more intimidating. It's like, even if there was something I decided I wanted to run with, I'm not sure if I could do it. It's the main reason I want to CTB - feeling like I'll never be a fully functional adult.

You actually said what I wanted to say all this time: "I don't think I will ever be a fully functional adult". Im thinking I might endure this situation till I can and then when I see that I can't do anything about it I will off myself. I am also afraid of doing what I like because I got fucked over once while doing it. Even when I tried to do what I like (I had some kind of a business idea where I needed other people with similiar interests to work with ) I wasn't able to because my friends just weren't as interested as I was. I wish it was easier for you and me. These days its harder to find a job since we have overpopulation and there is hardly any way to find a nice job immediately after school. But because I am poor and dont have any family that can help me out in any way I am automatically in a tough position. Even though I feel this way I do keep trying, I haven't given up completely yet and maybe you shouldn't too. Maybe we should give ourselves more time, Eh I don't know. Also thanks for commenting, atleast its reassuring that I am not alone in this pot of shit.

 

[Darkhaven]

I relate a lot to this.
I'm on the final year of a university degree, but i also suffer from social and general anxiety, not to mention Major Depressive Disorder and even Essential Tremor, a progressive and chronic neurological disease.
I never worked a single day of my life as i'm scared of even trying to find a job or going to a job interview.
I have a drivers's license but just as you i can't seem to get confortable driving and to be honest i haven't touched in a car for almost 4 years since i got the license.
I move around by train, subway and walking, while most people of my age already have their own cars.
So yeah i will never be a "fully functional adult" either and i can only hope of finding something to do to pay my basic needs, otherwise i will be a miserable wretch for the rest of time i will be on this damned planet.

 

[Chantal]

I never worked a single day of my life as i'm scared of even trying to find a job or going to a job interview.

We are all alike. My social anxiety is so strong that I feel ashamed of even posting something here in SS, because I feel everything I do is ridiculous and deplorable.
Luckily I managed to pass an exam to work for the state and it's hard to get fired in such a job. I had a hard time finding work in the private initiative and, even more, keeping myself on it.

My income is low, below what I might be able to earn because of the colleges I attended and the skills I acquired. I am so afraid of being judged, so afraid of taking my chances that I stand still, stuck, unable to move on like my former colleagues and friends my age.

Our condition is really very debilitating, and overcoming this panic of frustration is so much harder than one can imagine.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I need money and right now I am broke. I was looking for something related to my college degree but I found nothing and I was rejected twice. I have major anxiety, social anxiety and depression, everything is making me want to die. That is why I lurk on this forum. I look around me and I see people my age, ex friends driving cars, making decent amount of money and here I am stuck and can't live normally. I don't blame anyone, most of that was my fault. I tried driving once with mom but I almost crashed a car while driving in an empty parking lot. We don't have an automatic car so you have that extra pedal and its so confusing to me and its such a weird system to me. I can't even afford paying for driving instructor to get the license and that means any job involving driving is off the table. I've had some ideas like joining the army but in reality I don't think I could do that. Maybe if we were in war I would consider joining, I don't know. Thought about becoming a fireman but I found out that you need to go through some education again and pay for stuff and I can't go through school again man, I've had enough.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to spend my life stagnating and watching people pass me by. What I really want to do is unattainable and it is impossible to make any money from that so even if I do find a job I won't do something I like. Then again I have to do something to make money so I can buy necessary stuff. I feel like to everyone else everything is so easy and to me the simplest things are complicated. Like I mentioned driving, a lot of people told me "Oh driving is easy". Not to me I guess and that's why I also think I wouldn't be able to do some normal job. For example I would never be able to be a bartender or anyone who needs to count money because not only is my math absolutely trash, I would 100% freeze up and I wouldn't be able to calculate in my head how much change i need to give. I am so stuck. Sorry that this is not concerning the suicide topic.

If you don't plan on killing yourself you're going to need to go see a psychiatrist and a therapist because nothing is going to magically fall into your lap. You need to learn how to drive. You just do for every purpose. I think you may have to stop making excuses on how you can't do anything and just get up and get out there and start working on yourself. Let's face it. Nothing is easy but if we are going to live and take care of ourselves we have to do things even though we don't want to. You're making another excuse about being a bartender and how you suck at math so you couldn't possibly give change back. You would use s cash register. Unless you want to be homeless you're going to have to get a job. IDK how old you are but how are you paying for health insurance? Who buys you what you need? Like groceries, clothing, medicine....how do you pay your rent? This is just something you have to do. You can't expect like to be THAT easy.

 

[Hexen]

If you don't plan on killing yourself you're going to need to go see a psychiatrist and a therapist because nothing is going to magically fall into your lap. You need to learn how to drive. You just do for every purpose. I think you may have to stop making excuses on how you can't do anything and just get up and get out there and start working on yourself. Let's face it. Nothing is easy but if we are going to live and take care of ourselves we have to do things even though we don't want to. You're making another excuse about being a bartender and how you suck at math so you couldn't possibly give change back. You would use s cash register. Unless you want to be homeless you're going to have to get a job. IDK how old you are but how are you paying for health insurance? Who buys you what you need? Like groceries, clothing, medicine....how do you pay your rent? This is just something you have to do. You can't expect like to be THAT easy.

And I agree with you, nobody is going to help me or these people who commented on the post. We just have to do it. But I just can't drive. I step into car and I am afraid of making any kind of move. There isn't much space where I can drive so I can't really do much besides go drive at snails pace in a place the size of a small basketball court. Going faster then 2km/h is scary to me. I can't even imagine going to traffic especially trying every second not to kill the person in the car passing by and not to kill the ones in front of me and behind me. I just can't do it. And you don't have cash register most of the time because bartender comes to your table and you pay him and he counts that shit infront of you calculates it and gives your change back in like 5 seconds. If you were me you would understand why because I just can't explain it to you and you just won't understand. Of course this is going to end up with me getting some shitty job I dont want to do and spiralling furthering into depression, I am just angry and sad that I have to endure that shit. And whats so wrong with wanting life to be so easy. Why does everything have to be hard. It would be best for everyone on this forum if life was more relaxed and better overall, people would stop killing themselves and they wouldn't be so sad.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I need money and right now I am broke. I was looking for something related to my college degree but I found nothing and I was rejected twice. I have major anxiety, social anxiety and depression, everything is making me want to die. That is why I lurk on this forum. I look around me and I see people my age, ex friends driving cars, making decent amount of money and here I am stuck and can't live normally. I don't blame anyone, most of that was my fault. I tried driving once with mom but I almost crashed a car while driving in an empty parking lot. We don't have an automatic car so you have that extra pedal and its so confusing to me and its such a weird system to me. I can't even afford paying for driving instructor to get the license and that means any job involving driving is off the table. I've had some ideas like joining the army but in reality I don't think I could do that. Maybe if we were in war I would consider joining, I don't know. Thought about becoming a fireman but I found out that you need to go through some education again and pay for stuff and I can't go through school again man, I've had enough.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to spend my life stagnating and watching people pass me by. What I really want to do is unattainable and it is impossible to make any money from that so even if I do find a job I won't do something I like. Then again I have to do something to make money so I can buy necessary stuff. I feel like to everyone else everything is so easy and to me the simplest things are complicated. Like I mentioned driving, a lot of people told me "Oh driving is easy". Not to me I guess and that's why I also think I wouldn't be able to do some normal job. For example I would never be able to be a bartender or anyone who needs to count money because not only is my math absolutely trash, I would 100% freeze up and I wouldn't be able to calculate in my head how much change i need to give. I am so stuck. Sorry that this is not concerning the suicide topic.

And I agree with you, nobody is going to help me or these people who commented on the post. We just have to do it. But I just can't drive. I step into car and I am afraid of making any kind of move. There isn't much space where I can drive so I can't really do much besides go drive at snails pace in a place the size of a small basketball court. Going faster then 2km/h is scary to me. I can't even imagine going to traffic especially trying every second not to kill the person in the car passing by and not to kill the ones in front of me and behind me. I just can't do it. And you don't have cash register most of the time because bartender comes to your table and you pay him and he counts that shit infront of you calculates it and gives your change back in like 5 seconds. If you were me you would understand why because I just can't explain it to you and you just won't understand. Of course this is going to end up with me getting some shitty job I dont want to do and spiralling furthering into depression, I am just angry and sad that I have to endure that shit. And whats so wrong with wanting life to be so easy. Why does everything have to be hard. It would be best for everyone on this forum if life was more relaxed and better overall, people would stop killing themselves and they wouldn't be so sad.

I'm really sorry...I understand when you say if you were me you'd understand. That is what I say to people that think my physical condition is just a small tiny problem. So I'm very sorry if I made you upset. I really am. You're right, like shouldn't be this hard. I say that all the time to people. Can't some things just be easy? Why does everything have to be so complicated? There should be no illnesses or mental problems because life is hard enough without them. Add them on top if life and it's pure misery. I know you're angry and sad. So am I. It's a mix of emotions that makes us wind up making bad decisions. I hurt myself a few days ago. Not on purpose but if my mind had been in a better state if wouldn't have happened and now I'm laying the guilt trip on myself. I punish myself a lot in my head. Do you ever do that? I have a hard time dealing with myself. It's like a constant battle is going on in my head. Me vs. whatever the hell it is. I really hope things start turning around for you. If you ever need to talk or just vent I'm here and I promise I won't judge. I hate when people do that to me so I promise not to do it to you. I will just be someone that listens and gives you support. Lots of love.

 

[Hexen]

I'm really sorry...I understand when you say if you were me you'd understand. That is what I say to people that think my physical condition is just a small tiny problem. So I'm very sorry if I made you upset. I really am. You're right, like shouldn't be this hard. I say that all the time to people. Can't some things just be easy? Why does everything have to be so complicated? There should be no illnesses or mental problems because life is hard enough without them. Add them on top if life and it's pure misery. I know you're angry and sad. So am I. It's a mix of emotions that makes us wind up making bad decisions. I hurt myself a few days ago. Not on purpose but if my mind had been in a better state if wouldn't have happened and now I'm laying the guilt trip on myself. I punish myself a lot in my head. Do you ever do that? I have a hard time dealing with myself. It's like a constant battle is going on in my head. Me vs. whatever the hell it is. I really hope things start turning around for you. If you ever need to talk or just vent I'm here and I promise I won't judge. I hate when people do that to me so I promise not to do it to you. I will just be someone that listens and gives you support. Lots of love.

I know my post sounds whiny and I really don't like to be like that but I had to tell someone how I feel. Yes I used to punish myself with not eating, for example if I failed a test or something like that. Also used to guilt trip myself now I only do that sometimes. Haven't done that in a while, lately I am mostly very very angry and sometimes when I am really depressed I don't want to eat nor live. These days I just don't know what to do. How did you hurt yourself? I hope that it turns out good for you too and thanks for the offer and you can talk to me too.

 

[justanotherday]

I need money and right now I am broke. I was looking for something related to my college degree but I found nothing and I was rejected twice. I have major anxiety, social anxiety and depression, everything is making me want to die. That is why I lurk on this forum. I look around me and I see people my age, ex friends driving cars, making decent amount of money and here I am stuck and can't live normally. I don't blame anyone, most of that was my fault. I tried driving once with mom but I almost crashed a car while driving in an empty parking lot. We don't have an automatic car so you have that extra pedal and its so confusing to me and its such a weird system to me. I can't even afford paying for driving instructor to get the license and that means any job involving driving is off the table. I've had some ideas like joining the army but in reality I don't think I could do that. Maybe if we were in war I would consider joining, I don't know. Thought about becoming a fireman but I found out that you need to go through some education again and pay for stuff and I can't go through school again man, I've had enough.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to spend my life stagnating and watching people pass me by. What I really want to do is unattainable and it is impossible to make any money from that so even if I do find a job I won't do something I like. Then again I have to do something to make money so I can buy necessary stuff. I feel like to everyone else everything is so easy and to me the simplest things are complicated. Like I mentioned driving, a lot of people told me "Oh driving is easy". Not to me I guess and that's why I also think I wouldn't be able to do some normal job. For example I would never be able to be a bartender or anyone who needs to count money because not only is my math absolutely trash, I would 100% freeze up and I wouldn't be able to calculate in my head how much change i need to give. I am so stuck. Sorry that this is not concerning the suicide topic.

I understand where you are comming from. I have a degree, but yet I have a hard time some of the time because I also have extreme anxiety and add, and I also have a math learning problem. I just got let go from a new job today and I am feeling like shit. I tried my best. I am so sick of this world and want to exit so badly.