IfyouareamanWinston
Student
- Aug 22, 2022
- 170
In the past I have had a few close calls, things like almost jumping in front of a train or off of a boat. Tbh those moments they didn't feel very real. I think what held me back was the risk of failure and living. I fail at virtually every thing so it goes without saying that I will fail at suicide too.
Today however I just stared around my room until I had fully visualized creating a braided rope from my sheets and tying it to the wardrobe so that I can use it to hang. It went beyond a fantasy or impulse and became a experience where I could feel the braided sheet tight against my throat. I could feel the weightless kicking of my legs.
I never went this far to fully visualize a method before. I usually think in terms of a third person perspective. Like when I was about to jump in front of a train 2 years ago I was viewing it from a high up place looking down. It wasn't really happening to me if you get what I mean.
I think maybe I am finally getting close to my time when I can overcome the si. I wanted to use inert gas method but I have been researching knots and hanging because I think it's more realistic for me to use that.
I know I'm not fully ready to leave yet, I still want to write a letter and clean up my finances and throw out more personal items first. It just felt so real in that brief moment and I felt so much relief.
Today however I just stared around my room until I had fully visualized creating a braided rope from my sheets and tying it to the wardrobe so that I can use it to hang. It went beyond a fantasy or impulse and became a experience where I could feel the braided sheet tight against my throat. I could feel the weightless kicking of my legs.
I never went this far to fully visualize a method before. I usually think in terms of a third person perspective. Like when I was about to jump in front of a train 2 years ago I was viewing it from a high up place looking down. It wasn't really happening to me if you get what I mean.
I think maybe I am finally getting close to my time when I can overcome the si. I wanted to use inert gas method but I have been researching knots and hanging because I think it's more realistic for me to use that.
I know I'm not fully ready to leave yet, I still want to write a letter and clean up my finances and throw out more personal items first. It just felt so real in that brief moment and I felt so much relief.
