Venting I remember when i could still find comfort in the option of suicide

[conveniently_dead]

I always thought if things got bad enough it would be an option. Things just kept getting worse and I'm just growing more tired over the years and seeing my life reach horrible points it should have never come to.

Logically that's where I should have had the courage and ended it. Too cowardly though. It's such a betrayal of myself that I can't take a few moments of pain to free myself from my suffering.

Things got scary when I ran out of methods I felt capable of doing. I'm the most incompetent person I know, how am I supposed to complete something that requires tremendous courage.

 

[finallydone]

i feel the same as you do, but i think the problem isn't just the fear of " few moments of pain ", the problem is that our minds naturally cling to life even when it's clearly not meant for us or when we don't want to go on anymore , sometimes i feel like i can actually bear the pain, i once got choked in a fight and almost lost consciousness but fear never registered in my mind because i was fighting for my life, in other words i was in line with my SI