Venting I regret dropping out of highschool

[need2exit]

I feel like, if i just kept going, i wouldnt be as mentally stuck/ill, genuinely i dont know why it took me years to see this, i want to go back before i had my psychotic breaks, i want to tell my younger self to keep going, i wish and i have wished for many things, i have crippled myself, like i wasnt already retarded, i feel like a husk of my former self, the promises i made to myself, the hopes and dreams i had, i think most of my issues started in middle school, i fell into the wrong group of people, i want to shake myself violently and say "wake up!! Be more aware !!! Wake up!!" I wish i saved myself, during quarantine, i got raped by my best friend at the time, i think she took some videos/photos of me, but im unsure, i wish i could fully hate her, but the thing is, i dont, i know why she did what she did, she was hypersexual, same as me, and got taken advantage of by older men, i feel more sympathetic towards her than pure hatred, she fucked me up, so bad so so bad, i dont think shes evil, just deeply troubled. i wish i told my parents sooner, i really wish i did, it stunted me, made me insecure, made me weird, if i kept going to school, i could have learned more, formed deep friendships, cared more.

 

[LastNite]

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Just know that nothing is over. I had a similar path. I dropped out at the end of 11th grade, and I only had one more year left to get my diploma. I left to focus on my mental health after I tried to take my own life due to the stress and issues that I was dealing with.

I've moved forward, and now I'm working on getting my GED and my driver's license. After that, I plan to focus on getting a job I've been interested in for the past year. I'm hopeful it will work out, and honestly, I feel like it will. The odds are not always against you. Your brain can make it feel that way, but in reality, it is often very different.

Good luck on your path, stay strong!

 

[here_for_now]

Same if i made better decisions in my life, i wouldnt't have to kill myself. But i take full repsoniblites for my fuck ups. Life is roads and roads you take close down other roads. I live in regret everyday droppping out, i regret other shit too but what's done is done. Im greatful for the small moments of happiness i had in my life. And I'm greatful i have one month to off myself. Even if i fail I'll try and try and try again until succeed. It's all my fault that i have this life, so ill lie in my bed.