Help I really don't want to kill myself but I don't know what else to do.

[paleperson]

I do therapy, in the past i've tried countless medications, recreational drugs, exercise , eating healthy and Im still severely depressed. Im completely overwhelmed thinking about the future. I cry multiple times a day. Self harm is no longer working. I have continuous thoughts about how I'm a failure, reliving previous abuse in my head. I barely eat anymore. I can't sleep for more than 5 hrs a night. I find pleasure in nothing anymore whether hobbies, food, sex. My mental and physical symptoms are debilitating and disabling. I want to get better so bad. I seems like suicide is the only option left to not feel this way. I'm in my 20s and I really don't want to die. but I can only withstand this mental state so long before I have to kill myself. Sn is on the way. Before it arrives trying to figure if there is something I've missed. My therapist knows I want to kill myself but does not know I have bought or decided on a method. He thinks I can get better. I not sure I believe him anymore.

 

[jodes2]

Maybe you need to try different medication?

 

[Julgran]

I do therapy, in the past i've tried countless medications, recreational drugs, exercise , eating healthy and Im still severely depressed. Im completely overwhelmed thinking about the future. I cry multiple times a day. Self harm is no longer working. I have continuous thoughts about how I'm a failure, reliving previous abuse in my head. I barely eat anymore. I can't sleep for more than 5 hrs a night. I find pleasure in nothing anymore whether hobbies, food, sex. My mental and physical symptoms are debilitating and disabling. I want to get better so bad. I seems like suicide is the only option left to not feel this way. I'm in my 20s and I really don't want to die. but I can only withstand this mental state so long before I have to kill myself. Sn is on the way. Before it arrives trying to figure if there is something I've missed. My therapist knows I want to kill myself but does not know I have bought or decided on a method. He thinks I can get better. I not sure I believe him anymore.

Is it primarily the abuse that you suffered that has brought you to this conclusion, or are there additional things that are bothering you..? I'm asking, since any kind of solution that may or may not exist depends on what kind of problems you are having.

 

[paleperson]

Is it primarily the abuse that you suffered that has brought you to this conclusion, or are there additional things that are bothering you..? I'm asking, since any kind of solution that may or may not exist depends on what kind of problems you are having.

I've been diagnosed with depression and ptsd but I would say depression bothers me more. Intrusive negative thoughts, suicidal thoughts, and lack of motivation are hardest to deal with. Ive tried Zoloft, prozac, lexapro, Wellbutrin, prazosin, wellbutrin, cymbalta, seroquel, ativan and risperdal. Some of these did nothing others caused horrible side effects. Risperdal was the only thing that made a noticeable difference but among many side effects it made me literally lactate.

 

[Julgran]

I've been diagnosed with depression and ptsd but I would say depression bothers me more. Intrusive negative thoughts, suicidal thoughts, and lack of motivation are hardest to deal with. Ive tried Zoloft, prozac, lexapro, Wellbutrin, prazosin, wellbutrin, cymbalta, seroquel, ativan and risperdal. Some of these did nothing others caused horrible side effects. Risperdal was the only thing that made a noticeable difference but among many side effects it made me literally lactate.

From what I gather form your description, you have most things going well for you, besides your current situation.

What about friends and work..? Do you have friends whom you can confide in, or work that can keep your mind occupied..?

 

[[HNO]]

well seems i went through something you had went through too
sh and meds + crippling depression. i subtracted sh and meds and left with crippled depression w/o significant differences from the past except for current days there'snt gross side effects from the meds but im somewhat better now as at least my head is less hazy and i aint gain weight also i think meds made me more emotional and when i quit taking them i become so apathetic that it's turned in the end even better than expected.

i dunno what to suggest u maybe you ought to get essential nutrition course especially B6, protein(only of animal and plant source, bodybuilders protein is crap), magnesium, quitting caffeine and meds a lot of sun can help too(free vitamin D) also i heard that fish oil helps w/ bipolar so i suggest u to try it too

if u mind to give up to rope u can pm me. i'd like to off myself w/ a partner however if u from the first world plane tickets needed

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Still seems pretty hard to get involved with, but interesting stuff is coming out around physician-assisted psychedelic experiences. Some people do a total 180 from doing this once and it sticks, at least for a long time. Alternative would be just doing tons of your own research and administering your own session.

 

[theboy]

Nobody wants to commit suicide... just stop suffering.

 

[hamvil]

I do therapy, in the past i've tried countless medications, recreational drugs, exercise , eating healthy and Im still severely depressed. Im completely overwhelmed thinking about the future. I cry multiple times a day. Self harm is no longer working. I have continuous thoughts about how I'm a failure, reliving previous abuse in my head. I barely eat anymore. I can't sleep for more than 5 hrs a night. I find pleasure in nothing anymore whether hobbies, food, sex. My mental and physical symptoms are debilitating and disabling. I want to get better so bad. I seems like suicide is the only option left to not feel this way. I'm in my 20s and I really don't want to die. but I can only withstand this mental state so long before I have to kill myself. Sn is on the way. Before it arrives trying to figure if there is something I've missed. My therapist knows I want to kill myself but does not know I have bought or decided on a method. He thinks I can get better. I not sure I believe him anymore.

Hi, you are 20 and you are going through an age with a lot of changes and peer pressure. It is probably even worse nowadays with all these signals we receive from Internet. Give it a bit of time, if you need medication use them. Try to change therapist, it takes a bit of attempts to find the right one for you, maybe try to change gender of therapist, we are not neutral and that can play a role as well.

I can relate quite a bit with you symptoms as I am in the same situation. I spend the days crying, cannot sleep, etc. but I am 43 and I have lost all the energies to fight. You may still have them in you. Not sure which are the couses of your situation. I was heavily abused too when I was a kid by my mother and my father (mentally and physically). It can be devastating. I know. Hold on.