I plan to kill myself soon. I am thinking tomorrow.

[Ayeitsalaska]

I am planning my suicide. I just got ball gag, handcuffs, a picture of my family and a picture of my best friend.
thinking of booking a hotel tomorrow.
i mixed three spoonfuls of sodium nitrite into some water. hid the bottle upstairs behind my journals.
thinking of telling who i live with im just going out to spend some time with my best friend. leave in the morning,
never come back. thinking of getting an uber to the hotel.
i do not have meto or anything to stop me from puking so i guess im just hoping for the best.
i feel sad to do this but i believe its the logical thing for me to do since i am not fit for this life.
i have the ball gag and i think that will help muffle sound and perhaps act as a safe guard for my suicide attempt i could also choke on my vomit.
it would be lovely to talk to people how i am feeling without people trying to force me to live or sending me to a hospital so if anyone is okay with it, shoot me a message
19 years, what a waste of life

 

[Emily_Numb]

I'm really sorry you have got to this point. I'll be honest, when I read 'ball gag' 'handcuffs' and 'hotel room' I immediately though that people would think you passed from some sort of kinky game that went wrong? (Perhaps that says way more about me than it does you!) I'm not trying to make a joke of it so please don't think I am minimising your pain, it was just a funny combo to me. This does feel somewhat rushed and a failed attempt would almost certainly mean you would get admitted to a hospital which you sound like you don't want. I know it says you are a veteran of the site so have been here a long time, but maybe if you want to CTB, forming a better plan would be the best option so you have everything you need to transition from this life to the other with as little pain and risk as possible?

 

[TAW122]

I'm very sorry that things has gotten very desolate to this point, and as far as your method, I think it's a good method as there are people who have successfully CTB'd via SN. However, like you said, you have a risk of vomiting and failing so do exercise caution. Personally, I would still work on acquiring anti-emetics even if it isn't necessarily meto (but some alternative). Anyways, I wish you the best in finding peace whatever you decide to do.

 

[MsMaudlin]

I'm sorry it has come to this.

Try and find some kind of anti-emetics, just thinking of you trying to vomit wearing a ball gag sounds awful.

Love and peace ❤

 

[asifkhanny12345]

Ball gag whats that?

 

[Skyview]

I think you should seriously rethink your strategy , after you ctb it will be a crime scene and you being handcuffed wearing a ball gag will ensure the cops and coroner will investigate further . You certainly don't want all this attention nor your family and neither does the hotel . Just saying !

 

[Mr.Nobody]

I am sorry that it has come to this.

Consider using Anti-emetics.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I'm sending you hugs.

 

[voyager]

Sorry, but I have to ask, you don't plan on suffocating on your own puke I hope? Doesn't sound like a nice way to go, and considering you don't have anti-emetics it's highly likely that you will. Thus, I'd suggest getting the anti-emetics to make things easier on yourself. Another thing is, and I might be wrong here, but I thought we weren't meant to mix the SN more than an hour or two before? If I'm mistaken I apologise and will delete the post of course. Don't mean to worry you, it just sounds extremely harsh on yourself.

 

[Jean4]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[BasedGod]

Try to at least get some otc antiemetics to help out. I honestly doubt they will help much but it's very possible they could.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I am sorry to hear this. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

 

[MysticPerception]

That's a lot of SN. I'm worried you're just gonna throw all of it back up but I guess the ball gag will make you choke like you said. Good luck, I hope it's not too painful and you can finally be free from your suffering.

 

[Soulstax]

Not at all convinced that antiemetics are completely necessary. Just prepare more than a few glasses. Ball gag probably isn't a good idea though because of the vomiting.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

SN degrades and becomes Sodium Nitrate several hours after mixing with water. It sounds like you mixed it a couple of days ago!

At this point, it is only going to make you ill, but you will be very much alive.

Please do more research.

Whatever you decide, I hope that it brings you peace.