lack
im sorry for what i said
- Sep 14, 2023
- 79
i live in a place where it's exceptionally difficult to get SN, so i ordered some stuff for doing the night-night method, they should arrive tomorrow. i really want someone to just, like, talk to about my feelings and thoughts and like be able to have someone to chat with before i go, so .. yeah.. ! i feel like im about to be sick, im extremely nauseous and dizzy, haha.. but i often feel this way, it isn't like i suddenly feel regret or fear for suicide. just very overwhelmed about everything all the time in every way, and so this is a sort of default state.
if anything, i feel a sort of excitement to be able to maybe have peace. but i am not the kind of person who is good at keeping things to myself; not because i don't want to die, but because i just really like to share and feel connection and closeness with others,.. i know there's no way i can do that with literally anyone i know, without fear of them reporting me (it's happened before, and i mean,.. i don't blame them; i understand the quandary that it poses to feel like you want to save a loved one, and also wanting to support them and the whole mess).. i just don't feel like it's fair of me to try to share any amount of what I'm feeling or planning with any of my friends or loved ones or whatever..
i just want to talk to someone about like, my plans. and like. idk. if anyone cares to chat about it. like if anyone has any of their own plans coming up soon, maybe we could like. plan together? haha... i hope this doesnt come across as if i'm a narc... haha... like. yeah. i'm not sure how to go about making this post. i'm just excited and scared and sick and lonely, haha. story of my life.
(edit to add; it doesn't have to be someone who is actively planning their own exit, or whatever, ! just like.. sort of thinking out loud, with the possibility that i could meet and chat with someone who is also going to go and that i wont go alone, even if like from a distance. my closest relationships through my life were probably the online ones i had. .. i miss that. haha.)
if anything, i feel a sort of excitement to be able to maybe have peace. but i am not the kind of person who is good at keeping things to myself; not because i don't want to die, but because i just really like to share and feel connection and closeness with others,.. i know there's no way i can do that with literally anyone i know, without fear of them reporting me (it's happened before, and i mean,.. i don't blame them; i understand the quandary that it poses to feel like you want to save a loved one, and also wanting to support them and the whole mess).. i just don't feel like it's fair of me to try to share any amount of what I'm feeling or planning with any of my friends or loved ones or whatever..
i just want to talk to someone about like, my plans. and like. idk. if anyone cares to chat about it. like if anyone has any of their own plans coming up soon, maybe we could like. plan together? haha... i hope this doesnt come across as if i'm a narc... haha... like. yeah. i'm not sure how to go about making this post. i'm just excited and scared and sick and lonely, haha. story of my life.
(edit to add; it doesn't have to be someone who is actively planning their own exit, or whatever, ! just like.. sort of thinking out loud, with the possibility that i could meet and chat with someone who is also going to go and that i wont go alone, even if like from a distance. my closest relationships through my life were probably the online ones i had. .. i miss that. haha.)
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