woofwag
Bad dog
- Sep 17, 2025
- 248
February 8th.
My roommate texted me that that's the date I need to be out of here by. I don't have anymore money. I can't pay rent. I can't work a job because I'm too disabled/lazy/mentally ill to do anything. Maybe this is for the best. I was just going to keep pushing when I CTB further and further with no end in sight, but now I have a definitive date. It's weird to think I won't be here in a month. And I'm sure this won't be easy on them. But hopefully they can find a new roomie before I CTB and get shit set up so they don't have to worry about it while grieving. Which now complicates the "where" on my suicide, since I don't have hotel money but also I know that doing it in this room would probably fuck up their ability to actually get a roommate in here, and also may make it so that they don't want to live in this house anymore at all (although one of my roomies did say they were looking into buying property so, idk anymore).
The only other place I have to go now is back to my hell of a hometown, where I'll have to be around my mom in the house that traumatized me. And I can't do it! Just over 2 weeks there and I was so lost and dissociated. I know I won't be able to make any progress there. My therapist has left me, so I can't heal anymore regardless. Yes, I'm sure there are so many things I could do, but I won't. I no longer have the energy or the will. Haven't for a long time. This is it. I really wonder what it'll be like to be dead. I hope it'll be like nothing. Just pure nothing. That would be nice.
My roommate texted me that that's the date I need to be out of here by. I don't have anymore money. I can't pay rent. I can't work a job because I'm too disabled/lazy/mentally ill to do anything. Maybe this is for the best. I was just going to keep pushing when I CTB further and further with no end in sight, but now I have a definitive date. It's weird to think I won't be here in a month. And I'm sure this won't be easy on them. But hopefully they can find a new roomie before I CTB and get shit set up so they don't have to worry about it while grieving. Which now complicates the "where" on my suicide, since I don't have hotel money but also I know that doing it in this room would probably fuck up their ability to actually get a roommate in here, and also may make it so that they don't want to live in this house anymore at all (although one of my roomies did say they were looking into buying property so, idk anymore).
The only other place I have to go now is back to my hell of a hometown, where I'll have to be around my mom in the house that traumatized me. And I can't do it! Just over 2 weeks there and I was so lost and dissociated. I know I won't be able to make any progress there. My therapist has left me, so I can't heal anymore regardless. Yes, I'm sure there are so many things I could do, but I won't. I no longer have the energy or the will. Haven't for a long time. This is it. I really wonder what it'll be like to be dead. I hope it'll be like nothing. Just pure nothing. That would be nice.
