Help I need to learn how become more selfish to do this

[lovelulu]

My problem with ctb isn't that I havent accepted it. I've came to terms that this is how im going to die, by my own hands. Im not scared of death, that's the one thing I barley even think about. My problem is that im going to have to unbearably selfish. My life is fine and I have a beautiful family. Of course we have our ups and downs like every family, but you get what I mean—we're a happy family. Im not neglected in any way, they love me a lot. They've poured their love, money, care—everything into me and my brother and its going to waste. In my note, I'll tell them to sell most of my things. I hope that gets them a least a tiny fraction of the money they've lost on me. I know how much they care about me. I know what their reactions are going to be like. That's why before I do this, I have to come to terms with being selfish. I even have 2 dogs whom I love very much. This is the most selfish thing I'll ever do. I dont want to be here. It's all because of my mind, my mental state. Maybe its stupid and dumb for me to kill myself over that, but I'm struggling so much. I wish I wasn't like this.

 

[EndlessRage]

My problem with ctb isn't that I havent accepted it. I've came to terms that this is how im going to die, by my own hands. Im not scared of death, that's the one thing I barley even think about. My problem is that im going to have to unbearably selfish. My life is fine and I have a beautiful family. Of course we have our ups and downs like every family, but you get what I mean—we're a happy family. Im not neglected in any way, they love me a lot. They've poured their love, money, care—everything into me and my brother and its going to waste. In my note, I'll tell them to sell most of my things. I hope that gets them a least a tiny fraction of the money they've lost on me. I know how much they care about me. I know what their reactions are going to be like. That's why before I do this, I have to come to terms with being selfish. I even have 2 dogs whom I love very much. This is the most selfish thing I'll ever do. I dont want to be here. It's all because of my mind, my mental state. Maybe its stupid and dumb for me to kill myself over that, but I'm struggling so much. I wish I wasn't like this.

I'm surprised, are you under 18?
nevertheless i can say it's gonna shock and hurt them they will blame themselves for your death, you also don't really reply to the responses on your threads where people are trying to help you. not trying to judge or make you feel bad but maybe this isn't the right place for you.

 

[itsgone2]

Idk your whole story. It seems you could be saved. You have a good support system available.
I'm no pro lifer here. I'm going to be selfish too. Something doesn't seem right though.

 

[EmptyBottle]

My problem with ctb isn't that I havent accepted it.

As for me, I sometimes see CTB as the option, when I'm trying to accept that it (probably) isn't the option for me, tho ig occasional CTB daydreams are just daydreams for me.

It's all because of my mind, my mental state.

If u ever wish, there are many forms of support available (tho idk what u tried, so not sure what to recommend), and support doesn't have to prevent future CTB... it can ease pain regardless of whether one CTBs in the future or not.

Maybe its stupid and dumb for me to kill myself over that, but I'm struggling so much. I wish I wasn't like this.

imo it's human for one to wish CTB (I sometimes wish it too), after lots of suffering, regardless of whether it is mental, physical, or both.

Tho those wishes can ease, with time, support, etc.