I need to ctb soon

[HateMyPointlessLife]

My health (both mentally and physically) is getting really bad. And I'm worried if I don't ctb soon, that I won't be able to. My poor health has already been a way for my parents to control me. And I'm worried, the worse I get, the less chance I will have to be able to get away. I'm exhausted constantly, and can barely think straight. I've tried and failed so many times to ctb. I've tried using household methods many times, thinking it would be easier. But I don't trust myself to be successful using these methods anymore. My plan was to try and get to leave the house long enough to be able to jump from somewhere. Or to find a hotel room with a balcony high enough, or close to a suicide spot. But I'm agoraphobic and in pretty bad health. And I'm skeptical that I could leave the house on my own. And my parents seem to purposefully make it impossible for me to try and leave the house. I am tired of them thinking keeping me barely alive and in a weak state, and in hell everyday. Is better than me being dead. I just want to be put out of my misery.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wanting to be free from everything are understandable. It does sound really awful what you are going through, it must be tiring being trapped in that situation. I'm sorry that you have had to endure those failed attempts, failing ctb is what I fear. To me it's unfair how it can be so difficult to leave this life behind, people have already suffered enough so they shouldn't have to struggle in finding ways to leave this world.
I wish you freedom.