I don't want to die now. But I am running out of fuel. I am beyond my pain limit. I plan to Die in April. I have enough money for now and I have no responsibilities. I can Do what ever I want. But I still want to die. I Import stuff from China, buy me things on Amazon. But it is all meaningless. Going to a therapist does not help. I am deeply unhappy for Years.
The future looks very grim. I have no prospects. The loneliness is soulcrushing. I have friends but I would want a partner. But my illness ruins everything from the Start. I am playing a charade to most people. I have such a strong desire to Die. I like buying clothes. At the same time I think I am probably dead before the summer starts so why should I buy me New shirts? Christmas will be a bloody mess. New Year gonna be melancholic. I am angry at my therapist she made everything worse. But I am the problem and there is only one way to get rid of it.
I checked whether the website where I bought SN still sells it. And yes they Do. I almost attempted 1,5 months from now. The clinic stay Was the Most scary part. The looking death into its eyes part was not that horrible. But I genuinely want to avoid to go to Such a clinic every again. It is another incentive to go through with it the next time. It is very difficult for me to shut my mouth in front of my two closest friends. They mean the world to me.
The future looks very grim. I have no prospects. The loneliness is soulcrushing. I have friends but I would want a partner. But my illness ruins everything from the Start. I am playing a charade to most people. I have such a strong desire to Die. I like buying clothes. At the same time I think I am probably dead before the summer starts so why should I buy me New shirts? Christmas will be a bloody mess. New Year gonna be melancholic. I am angry at my therapist she made everything worse. But I am the problem and there is only one way to get rid of it.
I checked whether the website where I bought SN still sells it. And yes they Do. I almost attempted 1,5 months from now. The clinic stay Was the Most scary part. The looking death into its eyes part was not that horrible. But I genuinely want to avoid to go to Such a clinic every again. It is another incentive to go through with it the next time. It is very difficult for me to shut my mouth in front of my two closest friends. They mean the world to me.
