![Anxieyote](/data/avatars/l/27/27168.jpg?1721401317)
Anxieyote
Sobriety over everything else • 30 • Midwest
- Mar 24, 2021
- 442
I called into work again, you guys.
I already called in for a false Covid scare (1 week off) and a stay at the mental hospital (1 week off).
If I keep calling in, I'm going to lose my job. And along with it, my last chance to complete school without going into debt (my job offers a full-ride scholarship).
This isn't ok, and it will probably make my life worse. I can't afford to lose any more opportunities or advantages. I'm almost 30 years old with just an associate's degree and no experience outside of retail. I didn't expect to be wage-slaving this long, and it's taken its toll. I hate my life.
The reason I called into work today was because I am experiencing severe suicidal ideation. I couldn't imagine working in an environment where I'm supposed to be a happy ray of sunshine when I'm in this state.
When I do this, I'm being a burden to my coworkers and managers. Losing just one person during a shift can make things hell for the rest of the staff when you work in a restaurant.
But I had to. Going into a shift on the verge of tears wouldn't be good, and I'm in the mental breakdown zone.
I have two days off now, and I want to make the most of it. I know you guys are people who are struggling just like me, but I want to at least talk about things with someone who will listen. I spend most days isolating in my apartment playing videogames by myself, but I'm going to need to talk to people if I want to get better.
I talked to a nice person on Discord last night who distracted me with a board game, but a deeper discussion wasn't possible with them since they weren't comfortable with the subject of suicide. Most normies I speak to respond with distractions like, "let's watch a movie!" which is better than nothing, but if I keep running away from how I feel inside, I will be dead soon.
I already called in for a false Covid scare (1 week off) and a stay at the mental hospital (1 week off).
If I keep calling in, I'm going to lose my job. And along with it, my last chance to complete school without going into debt (my job offers a full-ride scholarship).
This isn't ok, and it will probably make my life worse. I can't afford to lose any more opportunities or advantages. I'm almost 30 years old with just an associate's degree and no experience outside of retail. I didn't expect to be wage-slaving this long, and it's taken its toll. I hate my life.
The reason I called into work today was because I am experiencing severe suicidal ideation. I couldn't imagine working in an environment where I'm supposed to be a happy ray of sunshine when I'm in this state.
When I do this, I'm being a burden to my coworkers and managers. Losing just one person during a shift can make things hell for the rest of the staff when you work in a restaurant.
But I had to. Going into a shift on the verge of tears wouldn't be good, and I'm in the mental breakdown zone.
I have two days off now, and I want to make the most of it. I know you guys are people who are struggling just like me, but I want to at least talk about things with someone who will listen. I spend most days isolating in my apartment playing videogames by myself, but I'm going to need to talk to people if I want to get better.
I talked to a nice person on Discord last night who distracted me with a board game, but a deeper discussion wasn't possible with them since they weren't comfortable with the subject of suicide. Most normies I speak to respond with distractions like, "let's watch a movie!" which is better than nothing, but if I keep running away from how I feel inside, I will be dead soon.