Hello,
lethal dose of metamizol is probably over 5g which is surely a lot as your pills are surely dose with mg.... So i don't think you will die eating this.
In the worst scenario you'll maybe have physical and mental symptoms by eating too much pils, resulting to an uncomfrtable day but won't die, that's all.
You're not alone, i'm here. We can talk if you want. I guess you're young. It's difficult to answer many of your questions because everyone is different. For example: will you be better someday, somehow??? It depends, on you mostly. Will you be able to do your best to break the negative and depressed spiral, or are you damned with this growing sadness inside you? It is hard to say, even for you actually. For everyone the answer will come within years. the young age / teenage is not nice for many of us, or even another time of the life, but they can fix the thing, get better and make it a bad memory. For some of us (especialy on this website), it never ends, even if we try medicine, or living a good life, things just get worse no mater what we do.
So answering about will you feel better one day is hard. It could be yes, it could be no, it depends, only time can reveal that.
Are you selfish or stupid because you don't have a terrible life and still don't feel fine and happy? Of course not. First you have to understandit does not dependon the life you have; some of us does'nt experienced big tragedies but still feel very bad because they are made this way, because the sadness they know is all they know. So they didn't experience real tough moments but for them the divorce of their parents has been pretty hard to handle and live for example. On the other hand, many people on earth experienced a ery hard life with tough tough tragedies and moments but yet they are happier than many. Why? Because they a survival instinct, because they have a strenght that will force them to go forward. Some people will live the worst but will be able to make a strong pointfor themselve with this.
So no you're not stupid or selfish, you feel the way you do, that's all.
About the person and the love you are talking. I can tell by you by experience (and many here will confirm) that love seems the only thing that could save us. But there won't be some miracle and if you're not fine, believe your love experience will just make it worse. To accomplish a good relation with someone in the best way possible, you better be fine with yourelf. Even if you go talk to this person and this person agree to have a relationship with you, for a time you will think that life is better than you thought finally, but in fact you'l just dependant from this person and the love you share. And if this person decide to leave you or hurt you... how you will feel? And i'm talking here about the best scenario. Love won't save you and won't help. You'll have to help you first if you want to live a good love someday. Otherwise you'll just hurt yourself more with love relationship and waste and destroy some things you shared with people. Before arriving there you even don't know maybe this person won't be interested by you. How do you know this person? Deeply? Because if not you're just feeling attraction to this person without really know this person..
So take care, love could be something nice, but you better be in good condition and be the best self if you want to live something nice. Globally relationship are difficult foreveryone, so especially for very sensitive people like us that tends to suffer a lot. You'll be, most likely, the one who will suffer in such relation. So avoid it for now. You have to feel better and be stronger if you wanna try.
What could you do? you can began by a shrink/therapist. There's no miracle there, but it could be a first step if you realy wana try to be better. More important, you should try to find joy in your life, by some activities, passion anything, depending what you like. Some arts, sports whatever, choose what you want and explore. Do the best to accomplish yourself, doing things that make yourself proud of you etc.
For now, how do you feel with ingestingall those pills? Take care to who you're talking about that now and later. Even the people close to you will tend to send you at hospital, psych ward nd make things wost for you. I would advise to handle the little pain you could feel actually because of those pills, to drink lots of waterand tomorrow you'll be better physically. Then the next days begin to establish a plan to make your life happpier. Give yourself a chance, try before give up.
