Help I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY!!!

[whocares?]

I was so confused now.
I really want to die, I cant see any other ways out anymore, life is a piece of dog crap.
I was SA by my father, I've just realised that a year ago, after piecing up things that I was always wondering ( he has affair(s) , I found out and started taking a step back to look at him)
He showed me porns when I was A MINOR. He did sexual things ( making sexual jokes, teasings, remarks, and even on one occasion stormed into the bathroom and jumped into the bathtub with me when I screamed NO multiple times, he even made jokes about my n_pples ( "Her n_pples are growing!"). I WAS A MINOR WHEN ALL THIS BULLSHITS HAPPENED.

And now, the main topic, please help me with this:

He keeps showing love/ affection ( buying gifts), and I also did see him show love multiple times in my memories, so why did he still SA me??
He has just bought a phone for me, and apologised for his affairs and how he made me sad. I thought when he is abusive he might buy gifts for me to manipulate, but I didn't think that he would go too far like this. Not to mention he only has his insurance money ( also he never spares a coin, only takes, I suspect that the money wasnt from him, I'm not sure...)

Please help me, please just say something. Just tell me your opinions or experiences, that means to me alot now. Please, I beg you, tell me. Please.

 

[soul2realm]

I am so sorry you had to go through all that. But be careful as some people seldom change. I had a traumatic father as well. And he too had many affairs, a complete womanizer, used to hit my mom, me and my brother. We had to literally leave the place, the city and the country and yet he still managed to ruin our lives. He died a year back and the mistresses he left behind are still fighting over his property and even have goons coercing us to sign on some legal doc in their favor. Like I said ppl like him hardly ever change.
They are manipulative as hell. when they need something or simply feeling lonely, they will buy you something or change into a completely different persona.
You wanna catch their act, look into their eyes and ask anything close to truth and they will not meet your eyes. Their lies are always convincing. But for that just count how many times the person has repeated the same thing.
If someone really loves you or put yourself in the shoes, if you really someone would you try to control that person?

 

[Dot]

R u livng alne wth hm or wth othr famly also

 

[Forever Sleep]

As others have said, I think you need to be careful. He may be feeling guilt about sone of the things he put you through but, it doesn't take away from the fact he did them. It sounds like he's someone you have to be cautious around, which is so shitty when it's your own father. I'm sorry.

 

[jakelonely]

I'm sorry this happened to you