I'm really desperate to die. I have a mental illness that ruined my life and I am in so much debt, facing jail time for a "threat" I have no memory making to my ex, and I have no money. I can barely take care of myself and I tried hanging myself with my only resource a scarf on my doorknob but when convulsions came in, my head lifted. I tried drinking myself to death but just ended up throwing up. I don't want to be alive but I can't find any methods that will work! Even if I go to jail, I still have a bunch of student loans from school when I was a little better but ended up dropping out before I could finish and I ruined my credit at 18. I also have a speeding ticket that might send me back to jail but the traffic courts are closed because of the virus. I am about to literally lose everything if I don't die soon. My life is really hopeless and I'm only 23. Does anyone know any cheap, reliable methods? Should I keep trying with my scarf on the doorknob? My SI keeps kicking in and I'm really scared. I researched poisoning but it seems like just a trip to the ER and if I end up handicapped it's the biggest problem. I really need to die as soon as possible. I don't know about jumping and my car doesn't work and I haven't been able to keep insurance on it and I'm about to lose it too. I'm staying in apartments with my mom and it's any day before it's too late to take my life and it's all going downhill so fast.
Apricity
Wizard
- Jul 27, 2021
- 642
Well, it's against the rules to recommend methods and such, but I will suggest you look through the resource megathread. I'm sorry you have so much going on, I've been in prison before and it sucked. I've seen a lot of terrible things there: people ctb and people putting others on the bus, so to speak.
Don't do anything without thinking it through first, or it could make your life even worse. I saw a guy jump from a tier trying to ctb and landed on his back over a table. He survived and was paralyzed.
If you're in the US, I wouldn't stress too much on the threat charge, you'll probably end up on informal probation unless you have priors. The speeding ticket will absolutely not put you in jail. I'm not sure about other countries, as I'm not familiar with other legal systems, but Google can probably find you resources to get answers for your legal problems.
In short, read the resources, think things through, then decide. Best of luck to you, and I support your choice either way.
Don't do anything without thinking it through first, or it could make your life even worse. I saw a guy jump from a tier trying to ctb and landed on his back over a table. He survived and was paralyzed.
If you're in the US, I wouldn't stress too much on the threat charge, you'll probably end up on informal probation unless you have priors. The speeding ticket will absolutely not put you in jail. I'm not sure about other countries, as I'm not familiar with other legal systems, but Google can probably find you resources to get answers for your legal problems.
In short, read the resources, think things through, then decide. Best of luck to you, and I support your choice either way.
How do you handle the loneliness and boredom and no windows? I was in holding and went mad after 2 days and I don't know if I'm mentally strong enough to do the max sentence which is 6 months
Whale_bones
Experienced
- Feb 11, 2020
- 239
I'm sorry you're in a situation where you feel so desperate. To me, and this is just my impression from reading this thread, it sounds like you don't feel like it would be ideal for you to die, rather that you are being pushed into it because of situations in your life. This in no way makes your feelings less valid, but in my opinion it's not the ideal setting for CTB if it's not what the person actually wants.
You will have to decide if these are situations you can live with. Many people have severe student debt that they deal with for many years, and many people live with chronic, lifelong mental illness that affects them a lot, but they work hard to find treatments that atleast reduce the symptoms. Both of these situations are the case for me. The legal thing sounds quite up in the air as to whether there is any potential of you facing jail time; as the poster before me said, almost no one does time for a verbal threat. Just because something online says the maximum is 6 months, that doesn't mean that would be the reality for you, as every case varies highly depending on priors, what exactly happened, legal representation and other factors.
If you know that you wouldn't want to CTB if these factors weren't happening, I suggest weighing the pros and cons of your overall experience with life, and imagining if you could live with these situations as they are likely to end up; the student debt is a reality that won't go away, as is the mental illness, though there are many possible treatments to atleast try to reduce symptoms for that. I wouldn't imagine yourself in jail unless you have a strong indicator that that's going to happen.
Can you still enjoy parts of life if you continued living? Would there still be things you want to do, people you enjoy interacting with, things you find beauty and inspiration in? After looking at this whole picture, then decide if you feel CTB is the best course of action for you. Atleast then if you still decide to CTB, you can feel confident that your decision was made from your rational convictions, rather than from panic from being pushed into it.
You will have to decide if these are situations you can live with. Many people have severe student debt that they deal with for many years, and many people live with chronic, lifelong mental illness that affects them a lot, but they work hard to find treatments that atleast reduce the symptoms. Both of these situations are the case for me. The legal thing sounds quite up in the air as to whether there is any potential of you facing jail time; as the poster before me said, almost no one does time for a verbal threat. Just because something online says the maximum is 6 months, that doesn't mean that would be the reality for you, as every case varies highly depending on priors, what exactly happened, legal representation and other factors.
If you know that you wouldn't want to CTB if these factors weren't happening, I suggest weighing the pros and cons of your overall experience with life, and imagining if you could live with these situations as they are likely to end up; the student debt is a reality that won't go away, as is the mental illness, though there are many possible treatments to atleast try to reduce symptoms for that. I wouldn't imagine yourself in jail unless you have a strong indicator that that's going to happen.
Can you still enjoy parts of life if you continued living? Would there still be things you want to do, people you enjoy interacting with, things you find beauty and inspiration in? After looking at this whole picture, then decide if you feel CTB is the best course of action for you. Atleast then if you still decide to CTB, you can feel confident that your decision was made from your rational convictions, rather than from panic from being pushed into it.
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Apricity
Wizard
- Jul 27, 2021
- 642
I did 68 months; you get used to it after a while. Some basic rules:
1. Get to know your cellmate.
2. Show your "paperwork" when asked.
3. Be respectful above all else.
4. Do not, under any circumstances, let anyone bully you.
5. You didn't see anything, you don't know anything (no snitching)
6. Don't get into debt.
Your "paperwork" is basically your court file and criminal history. This is mostly to make sure you're not in there for hurting children, and also to show that you haven't been given a reduced sentence for cooperating with law enforcement against someone else.
That being said, I doubt you'll get any time for something so minor. The govt has more serious things to worry about right now.
mostlycloudy
Member
- Jul 27, 2021
- 33
Hi, I don't know what country you're in or the circumstances of your offence but at least in my country it's almost unheard of to get the maximum for anything.
I'm being charged with harassment and it's a serious offense. It's a misdemeanor but everywhere says it's up to 6 months jail time and/or $1000 fine. And it'll be on my criminal record. This is my biggest problem but not the only. I'm already facing extreme poverty with no working cars, an insufferable job I'm interviewing for, and as much as I want to live or being "pushed into it" my life seems so hopeless, that death seems the only option. I pray about it religiously but then things get worse, like my mom's car breaking and ending up stranded and towing the car home. And it's like there's nothing in my life worth living for. I'm extremely jealous of everyone who has their shit together because I feel so deep in this hole.
I can't imagine 68 months. I don't know how you're even functioning. And what do you mean by not going into debt?
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I had my scarf tied to the door knob and slip knot tied the end into a noose and put my head through and tightened it and after a few moments I realized I blacked out but started convulsions and my head jerked up and it was so scary I haven't been able to get my nerves down to try again but I know it's necessary. I just don't know how to keep my head from jerking up, I was laying on my stomach.
Apricity
Wizard
- Jul 27, 2021
- 642
Don't borrow anything or accept gifts. Don't gamble. Harassment is not a serious offense. Not trying to shit on you, but it just isn't. At worst, you'll get probation and a restraining order. You can get misdemeanors expunged after you're done. This little legal hiccup is the least of your problems.
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