I can't Believe this a tually happened. My issues are very different and insurmountable. But a month or so ago, I began to feel bad when reflecting upon my life. White lies, stupid things I did to myself and aspects of a somewhat colourful sex life. Suddenly, a song on my spotify list, which I compiled about a year ago, when in a slightly better state began speaking to me. I found myself transfixed and soon became sure the devil was speaking to me thtough the entire list of songs. Most songs, these days when speaking about lo have a very posessive language to the lyrics - but I could not rationalise this. Every song seemed to reference me exactly and was telling me I had one last chance to off myself before the night was over. I picked up DVDs - every one seemed to have a message too. I guess ive always had dark taste on music and film. I still can't believe I got into this paranoid state of mind. In the shop, when i dashed out, every packet seemed to have some gross, mocking statement on them, gift cards were telling me to get on with it. I was covinced of eternal damnation, as if the devil had picked on me especially to be his cohort because past 'deviant' behaviour - not That I have at all been greatly, by modern standards. I picked up knives endlessly and couldnt do it. Finally, many hours later, i took myself to the hosputal round the corner, convinced of a lifeline of institutionaisation, followed by an eternity of eternal damnation. Naturally, I screamed for hours in the hospital room, before Being admitted for 3 weeks. Im rational now, but some bizarre coincidences still linger. Although it seems crazy in retrospect, It terrifies me this coukd hapoen again. I dont believe in the devil by the way, lol. Anyome under enermous stress generaaly, ever haf anything similar? Excuse typos, can't see well at all.
The coicidences were, that on the way to the hospital, i was thinking, amidst a storm of terrified thoughts, that since my leg is still weak and rubbery from an accident, that I woukd end up with it shrinking and weakening so much I would be on cruches eventually if I was institutionalised - everyone i saw on the street at about 6 in the morning was on crutches or a wheelchair. The few, lit up shop sign were mocking me too. Inside the ward, another inmate kept asking me To borrow my phone tp watch songs. Evertime I took It back ... i found he had been watching videos about kids being born evil, or a song from my spotify playlist.
One of the songs on my playlist was Karma Chameleon and the lyrics are grittier than you'd think when actually listened too. It references the colours red green and gold. I have always worn a lot of red green. They played it on the communal radio in the ward, and I was reflecting on it that night, and the next morning, the same guy offered to sell me scarves in the colours red, green and gold! He also wanted to sell other stuff. He asked if I wanted crucifixes or pornography.
A yway, weired... I am rational again... but Im still scared this happens again
The coicidences were, that on the way to the hospital, i was thinking, amidst a storm of terrified thoughts, that since my leg is still weak and rubbery from an accident, that I woukd end up with it shrinking and weakening so much I would be on cruches eventually if I was institutionalised - everyone i saw on the street at about 6 in the morning was on crutches or a wheelchair. The few, lit up shop sign were mocking me too. Inside the ward, another inmate kept asking me To borrow my phone tp watch songs. Evertime I took It back ... i found he had been watching videos about kids being born evil, or a song from my spotify playlist.
One of the songs on my playlist was Karma Chameleon and the lyrics are grittier than you'd think when actually listened too. It references the colours red green and gold. I have always worn a lot of red green. They played it on the communal radio in the ward, and I was reflecting on it that night, and the next morning, the same guy offered to sell me scarves in the colours red, green and gold! He also wanted to sell other stuff. He asked if I wanted crucifixes or pornography.
A yway, weired... I am rational again... but Im still scared this happens again
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