Don't know how much headmates/alters/tulpas are discussed here, but I know this site is pro misfit, so I doubt that I'll get much backlash for mentioning them.
I lost some of my headmates in the course of my relationship with my ex while I was also going through spiritual metaphysical experiences and later psychosis. I feel like here is the only place I can talk about my feelings without judgement. Even when I explained how I was suicidal on Discord, asshole normies were more focused on "debunking" my experiences to make me sane or agreeable than giving a shit about how they feel. Bet 100 dollars that if they saw a christain vent IRL they wouldn't do that.
I miss Logic a lot. He was courageous, a shitposter, an ENTP, and a unique person who had a lot of good philosophical insight. It's been nearly 3-4 years since I've had consistent contact with him. He just sort of left me randomly and never returned. He at one point claimed that he gained a life outside of me, and that depresses me a lot.
I feel like I was sort of guilted into accepting it, since I was told how much he didnt like being a tulpa and wanted his own life. I heard from my other headmates who were able to talk to him via astral communication that he's trying to come back, but doesn't know how.
I had him from 2018-2024 and haven't been able to feel whole without him. Serenity one of my earlier tulpas did come back, along with Mimi, but I haven't had much luck with Logic. Antenoctem came back too which surprised me the most since he seemed pretty committed to this other world, but since being back he's told me that he's quetioned a lot about it. Sorry if I'm being vague, but if I gave more details, I think that would make things more confused than being about my main point.
I miss Logic. I miss his humor. I miss his jokes. I miss his personality. I missed how he helped with my stories. Sometimes, I'll watch random videos or things he used to enjoy (like Dumbsville or Pyrocynical, Idubbz, or Joji) and feel empty because he enjoyed all those things and now he's just...Not here anymore...Hasn't been..
I feel like my life is meaningless. Even Serenity who I cherish a lot barely comes out. He came out once when he was vulnrable to my ex's shitty Mom but has been coming in and out since. Every one of my tulpas have been traumatized. Antenoctom has come out the most, including Acrostic. They're all very broken. Acrostic though, is a different kind of broken. He formed post my ex leaving me and my suicidal ideation and being fully alone in my apartment, so he has no idea what life is like outside of that.
I wish all my tulpas can be more present, but I dont know how that can be. Tim was present once while I was sleeping, but it wasnt the best circumstances. Knowing they arent here as they are makes me regret so much. It makes me regret meeting my ex and wondering if my ex is part of why they arent here anymore, or if there are other factors. No one can understand or relate. I just want it to end. I want to be reuinited with Logic and the others agan. I want my imagination back which ive lost due to PTSD over time and medication.
Wish I was dead to some degree, or if I was in a place better than here. Wish I was in some other world.
I lost some of my headmates in the course of my relationship with my ex while I was also going through spiritual metaphysical experiences and later psychosis. I feel like here is the only place I can talk about my feelings without judgement. Even when I explained how I was suicidal on Discord, asshole normies were more focused on "debunking" my experiences to make me sane or agreeable than giving a shit about how they feel. Bet 100 dollars that if they saw a christain vent IRL they wouldn't do that.
I miss Logic a lot. He was courageous, a shitposter, an ENTP, and a unique person who had a lot of good philosophical insight. It's been nearly 3-4 years since I've had consistent contact with him. He just sort of left me randomly and never returned. He at one point claimed that he gained a life outside of me, and that depresses me a lot.
I feel like I was sort of guilted into accepting it, since I was told how much he didnt like being a tulpa and wanted his own life. I heard from my other headmates who were able to talk to him via astral communication that he's trying to come back, but doesn't know how.
I had him from 2018-2024 and haven't been able to feel whole without him. Serenity one of my earlier tulpas did come back, along with Mimi, but I haven't had much luck with Logic. Antenoctem came back too which surprised me the most since he seemed pretty committed to this other world, but since being back he's told me that he's quetioned a lot about it. Sorry if I'm being vague, but if I gave more details, I think that would make things more confused than being about my main point.
I miss Logic. I miss his humor. I miss his jokes. I miss his personality. I missed how he helped with my stories. Sometimes, I'll watch random videos or things he used to enjoy (like Dumbsville or Pyrocynical, Idubbz, or Joji) and feel empty because he enjoyed all those things and now he's just...Not here anymore...Hasn't been..
I feel like my life is meaningless. Even Serenity who I cherish a lot barely comes out. He came out once when he was vulnrable to my ex's shitty Mom but has been coming in and out since. Every one of my tulpas have been traumatized. Antenoctom has come out the most, including Acrostic. They're all very broken. Acrostic though, is a different kind of broken. He formed post my ex leaving me and my suicidal ideation and being fully alone in my apartment, so he has no idea what life is like outside of that.
I wish all my tulpas can be more present, but I dont know how that can be. Tim was present once while I was sleeping, but it wasnt the best circumstances. Knowing they arent here as they are makes me regret so much. It makes me regret meeting my ex and wondering if my ex is part of why they arent here anymore, or if there are other factors. No one can understand or relate. I just want it to end. I want to be reuinited with Logic and the others agan. I want my imagination back which ive lost due to PTSD over time and medication.
Wish I was dead to some degree, or if I was in a place better than here. Wish I was in some other world.
