ijustwishtodie
I have finally found my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 5,795
My childhood has been absolutely awful due to having abusive parents as well as constantly getting bullied at school but, despite that, I still miss my childhood because, even though it sucked massively, it's still eternally better when compared to adulthood for me.
I had one thing in childhood that I don't have in adulthood: freedom. Okay, not complete freedom as I was still under my parents' restrictions but I didn't have to deal with responsibilities and challenges and hard work. The only thing I had to deal with was school which was a breeze for me. Whereas, in adulthood, I have to deal with university where the content gets exponentially harder meaning that the only way I can do well is to put in effort.
However, I'm naturally lazy and I don't have much energy on my plate to do things so I put as little effort as possible. I managed to get away with it so far but I can't anymore due to it being too challenging. The only way I can progress is if I were to have a passion in what I'm learning but the issue is that I don't have a passion in anything and that I only chose what I chose because it's the easiest thing to do according to my neurotype and is satisfactory enough of what my parents want from me. I never had any passion for anything in life and I'm only doing things because I'm forced to. During childhood, whilst I still did get forced to go through school despite me not wanting to go to school, I could at least be lazy and spend a lot of my time relaxing.
However, adulthood doesn't allow you to have any opportunity to relax. Every single waking moment of it is spent on work, work, work because that's how humans have designed it to be. Humans have designed life to be where it's a perpetual uphill challenge from birth to death. Even aside from work, there's responsibilities and chores that people have to do. I don't understand how anybody can manage to deal with so much. I easily get overwhelmed and feel dizzy from merely washing the dishes. It's like I'm a different species from everybody else but I don't envy them for it as I don't want to be like them.
Instead, I want to be dead so that I don't have to deal with any human bullshit for the rest of eternity. My first preference is to have never been born at all so that I wouldn't ever have to get burdened with human existence. My second preference is dying right now so that my suffering ends here forever. My third preference is staying as a child so that I don't have to deal with responsibilities and wage slavery. Even though my childhood sucked, it's far more preferable to adulthood due to all the demands that adulthood has. I hope that I die asap because life isn't meant for me nor will it ever be meant for me. I believe that I should have died at 18 and that any years spent after that is a mistake
I had one thing in childhood that I don't have in adulthood: freedom. Okay, not complete freedom as I was still under my parents' restrictions but I didn't have to deal with responsibilities and challenges and hard work. The only thing I had to deal with was school which was a breeze for me. Whereas, in adulthood, I have to deal with university where the content gets exponentially harder meaning that the only way I can do well is to put in effort.
However, I'm naturally lazy and I don't have much energy on my plate to do things so I put as little effort as possible. I managed to get away with it so far but I can't anymore due to it being too challenging. The only way I can progress is if I were to have a passion in what I'm learning but the issue is that I don't have a passion in anything and that I only chose what I chose because it's the easiest thing to do according to my neurotype and is satisfactory enough of what my parents want from me. I never had any passion for anything in life and I'm only doing things because I'm forced to. During childhood, whilst I still did get forced to go through school despite me not wanting to go to school, I could at least be lazy and spend a lot of my time relaxing.
However, adulthood doesn't allow you to have any opportunity to relax. Every single waking moment of it is spent on work, work, work because that's how humans have designed it to be. Humans have designed life to be where it's a perpetual uphill challenge from birth to death. Even aside from work, there's responsibilities and chores that people have to do. I don't understand how anybody can manage to deal with so much. I easily get overwhelmed and feel dizzy from merely washing the dishes. It's like I'm a different species from everybody else but I don't envy them for it as I don't want to be like them.
Instead, I want to be dead so that I don't have to deal with any human bullshit for the rest of eternity. My first preference is to have never been born at all so that I wouldn't ever have to get burdened with human existence. My second preference is dying right now so that my suffering ends here forever. My third preference is staying as a child so that I don't have to deal with responsibilities and wage slavery. Even though my childhood sucked, it's far more preferable to adulthood due to all the demands that adulthood has. I hope that I die asap because life isn't meant for me nor will it ever be meant for me. I believe that I should have died at 18 and that any years spent after that is a mistake
