Story I miss him

[Misery99]

We had lots of things in common and we managed to stay in touch throughout the years. He was always listening to my venting about my narcissistic family and issues like that without any judgement. He wasn't interested about being social and outgoing and neither I am. He didn't want to have kids or anything stressful like that. He wished to live in peaceful nature. Just like how I want to live the life. He never pressured me to do anything which I didn't feel comfortable about. In modern age where most people are only focused about sex when it comes to online dating and not about getting to truly know the person, what we shared was truly remarkable. I miss talking to him and sharing our ideas often. Sometimes the thoughts in my mind are too loud wondering if he's okay nowadays and I can't even sleep well.

Back then I was too paranoid about people knowing my suicidal tendencies and personal issues unless it was anonymous so I even hid myself from him for many years. But he didn't judge me for it or anything. I remember sending him a picture of myself with my eyes covered. I was acting like such a paranoid weirdo. It's probably because of my mental health issues. He was dealing with his own issues too. He hated being around people and he said that he even likes having privacy in a relationship. I liked that idea too. Most people want to be over each other all the time when they are in a relationship but it can feel suffocating. It's nice to get some 'me' time and being able to sleep alone and spend some quality time alone for some days even while you are in a relationship. We both enjoyed the freedom of solitude.

I realize that what we had was something very special. We understood and accepted how each other felt and to my surprise when we finally met after years of chatting, we had even more chemistry in person than I had imagined. He gave me a warm hug and I felt like my depression disappeared when that happened. He was a good and honest person.I wish that I had met him in person a lot earlier. Things could have been a lot changed if that was the case. But I was already in the process to move to another country and he thought that it would be better for me to move to there. But a home doesn't feel like a home if it's not the life you actually feel comfortable living. I would not have to be pretend to be someone else if I was with him and I would not have to worry about sudden plans to travel and none of the stuff which I don't actually like to do. Just chilling whole days and weeks would have worked great for me and that's what he had wanted too. Us not having to deal with the people and just living in our own worlds. We could have enjoyed a comfortable life until we both had decided that it's time for us to ctb and leave this chaotic world together.

 

[knowledgeseeking]

I'm very sorry. It indeed sounds like a very special relationship.

 

[Misery99]

I'm very sorry. It indeed sounds like a very special relationship.

Yes it was wish I didn't act like such a paranoid and insecure person back then and wish I had the courage do what I wanted without seeking approval from my narcissistic family.

 

[BlockedintheUK]

thats a sad story maybe reach out to him?

 

[Aflame5926]

We had lots of things in common and we managed to stay in touch throughout the years. He was always listening to my venting about my narcissistic family and issues like that without any judgement. He wasn't interested about being social and outgoing and neither I am. He didn't want to have kids or anything stressful like that. He wished to live in peaceful nature. Just like how I want to live the life. He never pressured me to do anything which I didn't feel comfortable about. In modern age where most people are only focused about sex when it comes to online dating and not about getting to truly know the person, what we shared was truly remarkable. I miss talking to him and sharing our ideas often. Sometimes the thoughts in my mind are too loud wondering if he's okay nowadays and I can't even sleep well.

Back then I was too paranoid about people knowing my suicidal tendencies and personal issues unless it was anonymous so I even hid myself from him for many years. But he didn't judge me for it or anything. I remember sending him a picture of myself with my eyes covered. I was acting like such a paranoid weirdo. It's probably because of my mental health issues. He was dealing with his own issues too. He hated being around people and he said that he even likes having privacy in a relationship. I liked that idea too. Most people want to be over each other all the time when they are in a relationship but it can feel suffocating. It's nice to get some 'me' time and being able to sleep alone and spend some quality time alone for some days even while you are in a relationship. We both enjoyed the freedom of solitude.

I realize that what we had was something very special. We understood and accepted how each other felt and to my surprise when we finally met after years of chatting, we had even more chemistry in person than I had imagined. He gave me a warm hug and I felt like my depression disappeared when that happened. He was a good and honest person.I wish that I had met him in person a lot earlier. Things could have been a lot changed if that was the case. But I was already in the process to move to another country and he thought that it would be better for me to move to there. But a home doesn't feel like a home if it's not the life you actually feel comfortable living. I would not have to be pretend to be someone else if I was with him and I would not have to worry about sudden plans to travel and none of the stuff which I don't actually like to do. Just chilling whole days and weeks would have worked great for me and that's what he had wanted too. Us not having to deal with the people and just living in our own worlds. We could have enjoyed a comfortable life until we both had decided that it's time for us to ctb and leave this chaotic world together.

thats a sad story maybe reach out to him?

INDEEEEEED reach out. in any case what do you have to loss. self dignity? the memory? you probally will look at it forever as bittersweet memory but YOLO in a litteral sense. give me a sloppy love story. all jokes aisde

it feels like you leaving a regret that could be something. its regardless worth it to talk about it. but then again in your descision. we can be the people that watch like tv saying oe you should do this or do that

 

[BlockedintheUK]

Honestly when I first read this I thought you were saying he was dead if hes still alive then reach out.

 

[Misery99]

thats a sad story maybe reach out to him?

At the moment, I'm married to another person and I'm living thousands of miles away from where I used to live. I think he doesn't want to do anything with me anymore because when we talked for the last time, he asked me to focus on my marriage and told me that he needed to move on too.

Honestly when I first read this I thought you were saying he was dead if hes still alive then reach out.

I hope he's alive but when we were talking in the last few months of our conversations, he was telling me that he was feeling highly suicidal because of his work related issues and stuff. But I really hope he had managed to overcome those feelings and that he's alive and doing better now.

INDEEEEEED reach out. in any case what do you have to loss. self dignity? the memory? you probally will look at it forever as bittersweet memory but YOLO in a litteral sense. give me a sloppy love story. all jokes aisde

it feels like you leaving a regret that could be something. its regardless worth it to talk about it. but then again in your descision. we can be the people that watch like tv saying oe you should do this or do that

Yes it's true and I would like to do that too but I'm married to another man now and I don't have a proper method to contact him. I think he doesn't want for me to do that either because when we talked for the last time before I left the country which I used to live in, he told me to focus on my marriage and that he wants to move on with his life too.